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Relationship advice- Help
This isn't what I had in mind when we got engaged and moved in together.
I don't honestly know what to do or how to fix it
It can be a difficult and frustrating time when you try to do the right thing and you feel worse for trying.
At the same time you seem to be finding company with another person. Perhaps there are less "dramas" there?
And you are engaged to the person you are having the difficulties with.
The first thing I will say is that with psychologists and psychiatrists much is based on having a good relationship. And if that doesn't work then...
Of course it goes both ways. The client also has to try to make it work as well.
While you said you don't know what to do, what would you like to see happen? What would be your goal? There are no wrong answers here.
The engagement within the first six months of us dating which was a bit too early. In regards to the other company it is more of a company not even physical and we share similar personalities. I don't even think that it will develop into a relationship. Makes me concerned is that I am at fault when I am actively seeking company in a committed relationship.
Also I feel like I am dumping her back into a family who doesn't have much regards for her
Living with someone suffering from OCD is not easy, especially when you aren't knowledgeable of how this illness effects them because if you don't have it yourself then there doesn't seem to be any explanation why these obsessions and compulsions need to be carried out.
That's understandable but I also have OCD and know the comments from people if I am found out, that's why I hide it, however her family might know that she has this illness and then decide to take most of her pension for unknown reasons.
To form a friendship with another person who doesn't suffer from OCD I know seems to be acceptable because not having to try and cope with tendencies formed by this illness would be a blessing, however can I suggest that you
are decide to type this illness in your search bar to try and understand the effects it has on not only the person but on everybody else.
I know that it's not easy but know the repercussions can affect those around them.
A psychologist can provide CBT counselling for people suffering from OCD as well as for their partners.
Please ask any questions you would like to know.
I just want to cover one aspect of your reply to me post where you said
Makes me concerned is that I am at fault when I am actively seeking company in a committed relationship.
As a rhetorical question is your fault blaming yourself or is it pushed onto you from elsewhere?
While I not sure of your motivation, even though I am married I have made friendships in other circles and we talk about things which I would not talk with my wife about. This does not violate my marriage vows. Even though you are engaged you still have a life of your own. And your partner also has their own life as well. Put another way... if the person you were confiding in were male would these concerns be present?
Can a male and female be just friends? I think it should be possible.
Last point .... there is also nothing wrong with you chatting with a counsellor or similar to work through some of the issues that might be weighing on you such as the non-supportive family. It also sounds like you are exhausted or worn out in providing advice and being the supportive partner as well as anything else going on, that you have nothing else to give. (My mum supports my dad, and when they visit the GP, he asks mum if she is OK. It is possible for the supporting person to get (sort of 2nd hand) negative thoughts, making it difficult to support the other.
With OCD people can have 'intrusive thoughts' which is something else to type in your research browser, alternatively in the search above at the top of BB, where people may or may not only keep to themselves what keeps reoccurring in their minds, and again I've had them before many times and are quite disstressing for a person suffering from OCD.
The other point I'd like .to make is the psychologist has to be trained in dealing with this illness because as I've experienced my last psychologist did not know how to treat it and I say this because all he said to me was'you don't need to do OCD just forget about it's, that's why I only saw him a couple of times, I couldn't form any trust or relationship with him, simply because he didn't understand.
Some people going to counselling prefer the opposite sex while others prefer the same service, that’s a decision they make and will allow them to feel comfortable in opening up, that's entirely their choice if the situation pertains itself.
If you are beginning to have more feelings for your new friend, that’s understandable, however you still might benefit from talking to a counsellor by yourself to begin with.