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Relationship - abortion [Trigger warning: abuse]

Community Member
Im not sure where to start, I had a relationship for 5 years it started off fine he was really sweet and caring however as time went on I would get moments where he became extremely angry and aggressive towards me, mainly verbally. Then after the moment he would be sorry and go back to being nice. This continued but I noticed the angry periods would start to last longer and nice periods were once every few months . He would always say he wouldn’t be nice often as so it was a treat when he was. He eventually became physical on three seperate occasions. Anyway after years of this I broke up with him, he sobbed and said he would change and kept contacting me to the point I gave in , we started a sexual relationship again and I wanted to be with him.

during this time I received a diagnosis of endometrosis and has to undergo a surgery, I stopped my birth control two weeks before the surgery and stupidly had unprotected sex. I had surgery then found out 4 weeks later I was pregnant, I was happy and he was happy.
my ex and I purchased a property together whilst we were in the relationship and he told me to fix the relationship I need to sign over my share of the property for no money even though I contributed half. When I refused he became highly abusive screaming he was going to take me for full custody he has no respect for me, it’s my fault I’m pregnant and insulting me and he wanted nothing to do with it.

I was devestated however two weeks later he became supportive again.
We went to scans together, gender reveal he bought a teddy for the baby would buy me dinner this lasted two weeks and I was hopefully. Then we had another incident where I tripped and fell walking my dog.
he screamed at me that he was taking my dog he is dangerous and if I refused he was done . He screamed at me for 30 minutes that I’m a piece of sh@t selfish and he was done with me, he also physically assaulted me. And has cut me off since then.

at this point I became distressed and booked an abortion. After going to the clinic three times and leaving as I part of my didn’t want to do it I finally went through with it, I could feel the kicking as I went under.
now I’ve feel really empty, sick and guilty I want to take it back. I feel guilty I’ve hurt my ex by getting this abortion as he was excited it was a boy. I feel like a complete monster and just want to sob.
2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Rach94xx~

Welcome to the Forum. My heart goes out to you, life has handed you some very hard blows, I also have a great deal of respect for your clear and insightful account.

Having a baby is of course only the very first part of a life-long journey as a parent. This is never an easy road and to embark upon it would be possible, but maybe not wise knowing you will not have the support of the father, someone who abandoned you and that it was not planned

So you were faced wiht a very difficult decision, and really were in the position whichever way you decided was going to be very difficult to deal with. The loss of the baby is terribly hard to come to terms with and there will be times you feel the full force of regret, grief and guilt. This does not mean you made the wrong choice, it simply means you are human and have found it so hard.

Sadly this loss and grief extends to the loss of what at the start seemed an ideal realtionship. As it turned out you had been groomed by a monster who only ever thought of himself, no matter what he said.

Although it might be hard to accept at the moment there are people in the world who are wonderful partners, and having a family with such a person is a rich and loving experience. You can trust and feel secure and give and receive and rely upon each other. I've been blessed and found two such people.

You have a forgiving and sensitive nature and a great deal to offer the right person and a family. In the short term I'd suggest counseling to help you during this unhappy this time.

Do you have family or friends that you can talk frankly with, who want to support and care about you? It can help lot.


Community Member

Hello Rach94

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like it must be so difficult. I’m glad you reached out here.

I’m pretty concerned about your safety regarding your partner. Would you consider contacting 1800RESPECT which is the main phoneline for support regarding any type of domestic violence. If you have ANY worries about your safety (physically or emotionally) please just call them to have a chat. Your post makes me think it’s a good idea. They have a 24 hour phone line and also 24 hour online live chat.

There is another organisation that maybe you should consider getting in touch with which is 1300RESPECT. It’s a 24hr pregnancy counselling phone line that says on their website also supports people who are struggling after having an abortion.

I was wondering if you have friends or family that are supporting you, that you can let them know what’s going on. In particular, so you can have support and some extra safety when you tell your partner about having had the abortion. It’s important you don’t go through all of this alone.

I know it can be hard to ask for help, but please consider reaching out to one of the organisations. They’re there for exactly this kind of situation and you don’t need to wait till things are even more of a crisis situation. It’s ok to ask for help and just to know there are people standing by you.

I hope this helps a little. What you’re going through is so complex and frightening and I think you’re being very brave. Please take care of yourself.