Recovering from narcissist abuse

[Vhnice06]

Hi beautiful people 

I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that traps me on every situation . I’m here by myself without nobody I can talk or express my feelings , just trying to reach out for people that understand what I have been going through without judging me because of how “ weak “ I have been . I just really want to have a group support that allows me encourage myself every time I’m feeling “ like I need him back “ . Thank you so much  

[geoff]

Hello Vhnice6, I'm sorry for what you have been through, and there are some times we can cope with emotional abuse, especially when you know that tomorrow may be different, however when you combine both types of abuse together, then it frightens you because you aren't sure what's going to happen next.

We definitely don't judge nor criticise anybody because if we did then there wouldn't be a forum and especially if we ourselves have had to try and cope with this ourselves.

It's not a matter of being weak at all, it's just about you 'needing him back', so this puts you in an uncomfortable situation, unsure what to do.

If he is your ex, then this has happened for a reason so you don't deserve any of this to happen as you aren't there to be abused in any form, and the best way to handle this is by gaining the strength to be able to ignore this, but this can only be done by being educated and/or counselled with the help of a psychologist, then perhaps this might allow you to move on and find someone who loves you more than ever.

We want to help you as much as possible.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Elli J]

Hello 

Your definitely not weak at all, but actually brave to step out into the light.

Abuse comes in so many forms, it's so minimal at first that it sneaks up on you.

Someone told me once, it's like a hot bath. If you jumped in, straight away you would get out.

But slowly fill the bath with you in it, over time you get use to it.

Unfortunately in my life I have an ex partner who has narcissistic ways, top off addiction/impulse control.

Now daughter showing signs of this behaviour. Blame, outburst of rage, gaslighting me, etc etc etc. Non coping skills. Princess polly to others but hey they don't say no.

You need to listen carefully with a narcissistic person. Not what they are saying causes that's blah blah your fault blah sorry blah blah.

But the behaviour and name it.

"Oh this not getting your way behaviour". It helps disconnect as its all about control and they are desperately trying the manipulation handbook. Read up on it and definitely seek out support. Cause you are worth it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Vhnice06

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you…my heart truely goes out to you..

No..you are not weak, nor have you been….you are a very strong courageous person….You left an abusive relationship….that takes courage….courage I didn’t have…I stayed married to my cruel narcissist husband for 38 years until his death 9 years ago….Even after 9 years I’m struggling so much to live a normal*  life…

I also now live alone, alone with depression, anxiety and PTSD….which is at times extremely difficult to overcome…..One thing I learned is that people do not change….and I think most narcissist people will tell you anything….mainly what you want to hear so you get back with them….it’s a way of controlling you with false promises of changing…making you feel guilty about how they’ve treated you…

You have come to the right place for support…along with myself,  many beautiful community members have been through abusive relationships/marriages with people who are narcissistic or have narcissistic traits….

I needed help, to believe in myself, to trust people, my self esteem was non existent….Im still getting there…small steps forward….with the help of professionals,  to help me with life, as it is for me now…..has helped me a lot….I’m wondering and would like to gently suggest if it’s possible for you to also reach out to your Dr..and get a mental health plan started…Do you think it’s something that you would consider doing, to get some professional support?..?

We are all here for you Dear Vhnice, with our care and support…

Please talk here anytime you feel up to it….I’m sure many other people will relate to your struggles and will pop in to help support your journey through this..

My kindest thoughts with my care Dear Vhnice…..and a caring hug…(if that’s okay)..

Grandy..

[rhinoceros]

Hi Vhnice06

I can relate to what you are going through. My ex girlfriend is a narcissist. We were together for 5 1/2 years. It took me such a long time to understand what I was dealing with. Her behaviour was erratic and confusing at the best of times, and the abuse was beyond horrific at worst of times.

For the first 4 years we were together, I convinced myself that it was my fault she was so unhappy/angry. If I could do more for her, or be better, she'd finally be happy with me and the relationship would suddenly be fixed. I didn't even stop to consider it might be that she has issues that are being projected onto me. I'm not perfect, I definitely didn't handle everything as well as I could have, but I was taking responsibility for not just myself, but for her behaviour as well.

I knew nothing about narcissism until I read an article in the local newspaper about it. When it described the symptoms of 'covert' narcissism, it astounded me how my partner at the time fitted the description perfectly. Even that wasn't enough, I was trying to find ways I could make the relationship work in spite of her being a narcissist. 

The continuous abuse, verbal/emotional/physical/sexual eventually wore me down to a point where I was in a very dark place mentally. I had to do the hardest thing I've ever done and leave her. You might be familiar with the term 'no contact'; that's how I left. If I kept any contact with her, she'd lure me back - I still loved her despite everything else.

Anyway, I've been single for over a year now. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD, and am working with a psychologist to hopefully overcome it. Despite almost no positives in my life having anything to do with my ex, I still at times miss her and feel guilt for leaving her.

At this point the thought of dating again really scares me, and I don't want to make myself vulnerable to someone else in that way ever again. 

I would say, even in spite of the fact I'm single, and quite lonely at times; it is a huge improvement over being with someone who is abusive and treading on egg-shells on a continuous basis.

I'm not sure if that helps, but I guess I want you to know that you're not alone and I appreciate fully how damaging being around toxic people like that can be.

[ecomama]

Dear Vhnice, warm welcome to the forums. 

You haven't been weak at all. You've been strong by leaving the abusive ex, then keeping it this way. 

Going NC is the very best thing you can do. This includes blocking on all social media and mobiles / email etc. 

These are "boundaries" which you need to keep very high indeed. The 180 strategy helps here. 

Once our boundaries are in place, you create SPACE. 
This space can feel very empty at first, lonely and even depressing at the beginning.... but it's our choice to fill this space with all the beautiful things we deserve. 
This is up to us to do. 

Renewing healthy relationships with friends and family. Making plans with them, then going! Writing YOUR list of activities YOU want to do, then doing them lol. 
Practicing Self-care all day, every day. 

You now have the opportunities to live the life you create, meet wonderful people just like you. 

Hope you pop back in to let us know how you're doing today? 
Love EM

[Fiatlux]

Hi Vhnice06,

Good on you for escaping. 

I am still stuck in an abusive marriage with an abusive narcissist. 35 years and counting. This worst part is that it has seriously affected my middle child, now 25 and still living at home.

I have a lot of self help books on recovering from narcissistic abuse. I have complex ptsd as a result of the abuse. I suffer from anxiety and depression. 

I am so happy and relieved that you have gotten out. It does get easier. Every time you feel "like I need Him back" turn to BB for support.

Take care of yourself and stay in touch. 🙏

[Vhnice06]

Hi 

thank you so much for your support , it’s been a very difficult days , he is been chasing me everywhere . Outside of my workplace and my apartment so it’s very overwhelming all the feelings when I know he’s around .. police have been involved in the past he managed to pay a fine and we went back together in that time , now i really don’t have any energy left to deal with calling police again for the 3th time or going to court , so I’m very confused with what to do . The depression , anxiety plus all the trauma I got from this relationship it’s causing so much stress. The problem is I’m not a citizen therefore any good therapy i would like to get is very expensive and at the moment I can’t afford it , so I have been helping myself with lots of podcast, meditation , exercise and joining support online groups .

Again I really appreciate your time to reply my post  

xoxo 

[Vhnice06]

Thank you so much guys for all your messages , I’m back here , struggling a bit these days , he’s been trying to contact me on any possible way , pushing me really hard to react and finally go to the police again , I’m not sure if he really cares about the consequences from his irrational behaviour, but yeah who cares about him . I’m just not feeling the enough encourage to call the police again on him, some of you people probably knows how hard is going through that process . 
hopefully this will end soon 

as I really want to have better days , my freedom and confidence back ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[geoff]

Hello Vhnice06, it's not about worrying what the police think, when this happens the police have all the records of him and want to deal with a person like this, because he's a nuisance not only to you but to society and only happy to oblige.

Geoff.

Liufe Member.