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Recently got into a relationship and not sure if I am100% like him

Community Member

I have been seeing a guy since March this year and he recently asked me to become boyfriend/girlfriend and I feel a bit unsure if I have made the right choice with him. We are in an open relationship at this stage and he is allowing me to date other people

He is a lovely guy, extroverted, active, considerate, optomistic, respectful, intelligent, however we are complete opposites personality wise which I have brought up to him. we both have anxiety and lack of sexual experience so that is something we have in common.

Thing is, I am not sure if I am completely attracted to him or if he is completely my type. I like him as a friend and an intimate partner and he has some amazing qualities about him which I appreciate greatly and would be sad if he wasn't in my life but I worry I am doing him a disservice by not being 100% attracted to him

we are both new to this and this being my serious relationship. I am unsure here

4 Replies 4

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey Pinkflower 95,

Thank you for sharing your situation with us and being vulnerable. It can be an extremely exciting time entering into a new relationship but can also be tricky trying to navigate your feelings and the new experiences that come with it! I don't think there is any right answer to the amount of time that is reasonable to feel completely attracted to a person. It might happen straight away, it might develop as you move on the relationship and it might also never come. I think the fact that you can see qualities in him that you appreciate and the fact that you want him to be in your life in some form is a good start. I think a relationship can be a major commitment and life change so it's understandable that you are having this kind of thoughts.

I can definitely relate to how you are feeling, I entered my first serious relationship with some uncertainty and I can safely say that I have grown to really love my partner and could definitely see a future with him. I know of other people that it didn't quite work for them. And I know people that seemed to be great for each other right from the beginning but ultimately did not make it. Regardless of the outcome, it's important that you listen to and acknowledge how you are feeling and what you are comfortable with, especially since you are in an open relationship. I think establishing open communication lines and sharing how you are feeling with your partner is the best you can do for now. Who knows, this vulnerability might even bring you closer to one another. If this uncertainty becomes so overwhelming that it interferes with aspects of your life then it might be time to re-consider.

All the best x

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello pinkflower95,

Thanks for your post and sharing how you are feeling. I understand you are feeling pretty uncertain about whether a relationship with this guy is the right choice and it sounds like you're already asking yourself a lot of the right questions. In my past relationships, I also had a lot of similar questions and feelings of uncertainty, and I think that's normal, even though it can be a bit scary. As livi_mivi mentioned, it can be helpful to share some of your thoughts with him about where you are in terms of wanting to be in a relationship with him.

Reading through your post, it sounds like you value the open relationship and friendship you have with him at the moment, but also it seems like being in an exclusive serious relationship with him hasn't been a consideration up until recently, or at least not one that has been something you've wanted to really push for. Is that right? I suppose in my own experience, there has been a difference between being in a relationship I actively wanted to be in, and in a relationship that I just happened to be in, and I wonder how you are feeling about this more generally.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello pinkflower, when you want to become a boy/girlfriend it just happens naturally by wanting to be in contact with them or organising something the day you're with them, so a relationship forms.

If you are two opposite people then this could be intriguing at first and create many different options which may be exciting but as the relationship grows and if you decide to get married, just for sake, then decisions about what the kids should be doing or where they go to school, play sport or friends they like may prove to be a problem, as conflict may develop.

For 2 people to stay together they need more than one aspect in this relationship to hold them together and it needs to be quite significant.

I know not everyone has totally aligned thoughts and disagree on certain aspects but their main aim in life has to be similar.

You have pretty well answered your own question 'I am not sure if I am completely attracted to him', and by not being 100% attracted to him.

As time progresses there may be more uncertainties that arise, but you can still have fun while it's going.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni


Thank you for being so open here. It sounds like you are feeling conflicted and helpless in this situation and that is completely okay! Especially if this is your first time entering a serious relationship.

As the other members said, you are answering your own questions. I say have a long think about it, ask your close friends for advice and take your time. No one is telling you to rush. It is your life and your choice.

Stay safe and I am always here to chat.