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Recently broke up and just looking to talk with people who understand and may have had a similar experience

Community Member

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was kind of mutual in the end but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. We were together for a bit over 4 years and in those 4 years we only ever lived in the same area for 6 months. He moved around for work every 6 months and lived as far as 4 hours away from me at times. So our relationship was different to everyone else around me as we only ever got to see each other on weekends because we both worked Mon-Fri. He quickly became my priority over friends and sometimes family. My weekends would always be all about him because if I didn't see him, it would be a whole week until I saw him again. My family were very understanding of this and it was never a problem for them. However my friends didn't quite understand and started drifting away.

I have generalised anxiety and social anxiety and he was always so understanding when it came to both. He was my person that I told everything to. I could see that my anxiety would frustrate him at times but he never made an issue about it. He would have to ask me multiple times to go do something new together or go meet people I didn't know before I eventually agreed to it.

So fast forward to the weekend we broke up. I had a massive unexplained anxiety attack on the Saturday night and I saw the pain in his eyes as he watched me go through it. It made me feel bad and I apologised a lot. He told me how much he loved me and said there was no need to apologise. The next day I just kept crying and was really unhappy. Once again I saw the pain in his eyes. He told me that he thought that he was part of the reason behind my unhappiness because of the nature of our relationship. After 4 years together you start to think about moving in together, eventually getting married and having kids in the future. We'd had a conversation 2 years before and he stated that he never wants to get married or have kids. We stayed together and I stupidly assumed that he had changed his mind. All of his friends are at the age where they're getting married and starting to have kids. We decided that it was for the best that we break up. He told me that it wasn't fair on me to keep stringing me along when he doesn't think he'll ever change his mind. I told him that I couldn't go back to just being friends with him as that would hurt too much. We don't hate each other and I'm not angry at him. I just feel empty.

I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel really lonely all the time. Can anyone help me?

2 Replies 2

Community Member

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is always sad at the end of a relationship and it does take some time to get over. It is good that you reach out and talk to more people about how you feel. Often talking it out makes you feel better. Try to move on to your life as usual, especially maintaining a healthy lifestyle. On the positive side, it is better to realise that you two don't work well with each other before getting married and having kids.

There is a similar post recently. Please have a look (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/i-don't-know-what-to-do--FBAC76867FA8).

All the best!

Thank you so much for replying to me. I have discussed it with a few people and feel a little bit better after each discussion. I'm really trying to keep myself busy as much as I can. It's the weekends that are the most difficult because they were always spent together. I know that I need to go out and make some new friends but I really don't know how to. My social anxiety really holds me back there.

I had a look at that link and will reply to the person on there.