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Reaching out to the wrong people

Community Member

Hi everyone/anyone!

Does anyone struggle with fidelity? I find myself trying to reach out to men whilst being in a long term relationship. I think I know why I do it, it’s to feel wanted and desired, which in turn will hopefully make me feel worthy and happy and give me some small amount of joy. But I have a conscience and it’s not fair on my partner. I just can’t seem to stop doing it.

Am I the only one?

5 Replies 5

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Becsicles and welcome to Beyond Blue

It's good you have found your way to our forums. Sometimes our obsessive behaviours are so annoying and it would be good if we could stop them.

I don't struggle with fidelity. For me, it has been very easy to be happy with my partner of 38 years. I'm sure you're not the only one and that there are others here who have similar situations as yourself. I'm sure someone will pop in here to respond to you.

In the meantime, there are some things you might like to think about if you find you want to change. For example - have you spoken to your doctor or a health professional (e.g. psychologist/counsellor) to talk about how you feel about yourself? E.g. about not feeling worthy enough.

Hope some of this helps Becsicles.

Kind regards


Community Champion
Community Champion


Thanks for your reply. It can hard to wrote one's first post.

You are not alone.

When I was manic , I felt every relationship would eventually end so would be unfaithful to ensure that the relationship would end. I know that does not make sense. Or I was so impulsive I would not even think.

I think seeing a doctor or a counsellor and talking it through is a start.


Hi Bescicles, when you say reaching out , are you looking for something you aren’t getting from your partner at home, maybe your relationship is in a bit of a slump. Once the honeymoon period finishes it’s hard to maintain that excitement with an existing partner. The first touch first kiss is so exciting.Being wanted & desired is an amazing feeling so is the desire to experience something new.

It would be hard to discuss with your partner I have struggled with similar issues and find myself very attracted to women that I get to know. If only we could get those feelings from our partner

Yes exactly.

I know I can’t expect the honeymoon period to ever come back, but that’s what I want. I want that excitement, butterflies, passion that I see with other couples.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. And maybe I would be okay with him doing the same.

Like T Pain said....I’m just looking for somebody to talk to and show me some love.