Pregnant and alone

PNC81 · ‎21-10-2018

My partner and I have been together for a year and I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first baby which was completely unplanned. He wanted an abortion to begin with but there was no way I could go through with that. He's been complaining of feeling down a lot and has tried 3 different types of anti-depressants and said the last one was working but we had a big argument a week ago and he said he couldn't do this anymore and left me. He said he's stopped taking the anti depressants because he's revealed that they actually weren't doing anything and says he still loves me but it's not working and he doesn't know what he wants.

I just don't know what to do to cope on my own or support him. Looking for any tips and support at all right now as I'm feeling alone and scared.

Chickenhead · ‎21-10-2018

Hello,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not really sure what to say regarding your personal circumstance, but I thought I'd respond as I have some experience with the pregnancy side of things.

At 16 weeks, have you received a booking in appointment through a hospital? Some of them are around 16 weeks, some a bit later. Make sure you talk to the midwives/doctor or whoever is caring for your physical health about what is going on as they can refer you for all kinds of extra support. Pregnancy is a difficult and hormonal time, and mental health and making sure you have a stable home life plays a part in the care you receive. If you are already booked in, give them a call and find out if you can speak to someone about a referral.

In my first pregnancy I was refered to a social worker as I was having troubles with my ex, but as it turned out my husband and I used it more for couples counselling and it helped us communicate much better.

I have no doubt that the midwives have heard everything and will hopefully be able to point you in the right direction with additional services that would not be available to you if you weren't pregnant. They don't provide the same service for upcoming fathers unfortunately, which is a shame as it is a challenging time for them too, but it might help you out in the meantime.

Welcome to the forum, I hope this is helpful for you.

Chickenhead

Guest_7403 · ‎21-10-2018

I think with the pregnancy being unplanned and he's staying he wanted an abortion and subsequent leaving you after trying would suggest this honestly want he wants at this point of his life.

You need to accept that fact and the decision you made to keep the child against his preference (which is a fair decision that you were entitled to make) was not what he wanted.

He's now made his own decision and that is too leave the relationship.

Rather then planning to try and fix his depression in the hopes it somehow changes his view you need to start thinking about a life as a single mum and what that entails.

Best of luck

SueIsBlue · ‎23-10-2018

Be brave PNC. It is so painful, I have been where you are, but you are braver than you know. Take courage from your little one within you, the baby knows how to grow, just love your little angel. It is so very hard, but you are one of many of us that make this journey. There is courage in you, and you have brought you and your baby this far, and each day is another step forward. Let the midwives take care of you. Let as many people in. I know from bitter experience how your heart hurts, but when you hold your beautiful child, you will remember what a wonderful thing it is to bring life. Cherish your child and be brave. The sun always shines after rain. It seems a silly thing to say, but so much rain falls in our lives, enjoy the sun when it arrives. Only you can be this mother to this lovely new life, no one else but you, hold on to that, and know that for now, that is enough, more than enough, because no matter what that man says or does, only you will be the one who brings forth the beautiful child. Be brave, I know you can do this. Sleep, eat, rest, be gentle on yourself, you have done nothing wrong, people will help you. I know how alone you must feel, but you are not, you are part of the army of brave women who bring little angels to our world. There are many of us, silent as we are, but full of love. My thoughts are with you, brave lady.