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Post BPD Breakup Help
I am really thankful for any advice from anyone who may have been through the same experience.
Since the beginning of the year i was in a relationship with a girl with BPD. I didn't know this until a few months into the relationship when serious issues arose.
To keep this short and concise, she came into my life and showered me with an affection that no one else had. From the second i would wake up to when i went to bed there was a constant talk and affection. This drew me in like nothing before. It was something i was longing for in myself for various reasons which i have now identified. However this led to the disconnection from my friends and family ... My life became her and the constant drama and chaos that came with it. Before me her life was very unstable, she had one prior relationship, abused alcohol and drugs at various points, Would either be out or sleeping for days on end, various traumatic emotional experiences including at one point escorting in her teens (Which i only found out when i broke it off for the last time)
She had multiple personalities and various negative traits. She would constantly lie, Manipulate, Very impulsive and try to keep me in her life at all costs. This led to absolutely no trust on my end which of course would lead to a break down in the relationship. I am vary aware without trust, a relationship cannot survive.
After getting support, i ended the relationship for the final time. she fully understood why, because now im mentally ill, her negative traits have rubbed of on me. Now instead of being the strong confident happy person i was before meeting her, im an unhappy, insecure depressed wreck seeking help here from anyone.
She is constantly finding ways to message me to tell me how much she loves and wants me back even after swearing to not contact me so i can find help. This is only making it harder for me. I am trying to educate myself on how BPD suffers work but not much is helping.
Recently a girl from my past has entered me life who will give me an amazing life, future and her family sees me as their second son. Someone i used to be dearly in love with. But with the constant struggle in my head, the infectious thoughts of the BPD relationship have poisoned any chance with this person and will continue until i get help. I honestly can not fathom emotions for anyone until i can resolve this.
I know the path that will lead me to the future i want, but how do correct and remove the BPD from my life?
I don't have direct experience per se, but I've seen a lot of life on the high end of mental illness. All mental illnesses occur on a spectrum & unfortunately BPD is up the high end. Some refer to it as the child abuse and neglect disorder, but the problem with that theory is that people who have had a charmed childhood buy end up with this terrible condition, find that assumption quite offensive.
I'm going to ask you 2 questions, don't reply or answer, I just wanna test if my theories on patterns of behaviour are true or just Corn bedroom science. Did you lose an adoring parent/caregiver soon before or during the time when you were with your beloved borderline and do you happen to be into any adrenalin sports?
Being in a relationship with someone with BPD is thrilling, heartbreaking and contains about as much humanity as one can get. Their highs become your highs, their lows become your lows, you mirror one another and synchronise everything, you literally carry their pain.
I'll be blunt mate, it doesn't matter how amazing your old beau is, for a good while yet, she simply cannot compete with the rollercoaster. No-one can, not even the hottest girl of your dreams. She is a boring old carousel. The ponies are cute, but they don't have the same excitement as BPD. You somehow have to get your arousal down low enough so you can think clearly and decide who you would rather be with. Easy in theory I know. I reached my lowest point this year and ended up in hospital with chronic PTSD. With regards to your BPD's sexual past, my heart goes out to her, monsters messed with my head too. While in there I met a beautiful, extremely handsome man in his early 40s who grew an attachment to me I suppose because I was a lesbian and I was a safe, non-threatening female to talk to about the weirdness of a female psyche that had been tortured. Do you know why he was in there? He'd just broken up with his own BPD beau and he'd had a complete nervous breakdown. If you saw him you'd assume he had it all, just based on his looks, in this shadow society of ours. He couldn't talk to me without shaking. Tails of DV, of barrages of verbal abuse, of feeling sexually inadequate for years.......his confidence was as tall as an ant. One morning at breakfast he rocked up with 2 black eyes; he'd started self harming himself. This is a tragic situation for the both of you. I don't make light of it, but please put your own mental health first and do NOT meet Corny in hospital xxxx
Firstly, i just want to tell you how much i appreciate that response. Its this support i am desperately reaching out for.
To Answer your questions, you are spot on. My parents divorced a few years ago, my father is hardly within in my life. Im 23 years of age now and it happened at a pivotal development time for me. You hit the Nail on the head with Adrenalin sports, im a bodybuilder. Not just a gym regular, im a performance enhanced bodybuilder who has a physique that will compete one day soon. Its a sport that is both my life and my career.
I cannot explain how much i have related to what you've said. Quite literally when she had her highs, the relationships gave us both pleasures that will never leave my head, Experiences i can say only a few will experience, a happiness i have never ever felt in my entire life. But then came the lows and with the lows came her destructive behaviour that will make her step outside the boundaries of whats acceptable in a relationship and then came the extreme unhappiness, the extreme depression and sadness, feelings no one else would have any idea i was experiencing. But following a low would come a high and following a high would come a low. Im now broken from it
Thank you so much for being blunt, you have confirmed everything that ive come to realise. It dosnt matter how supportive, beautiful and amazing this girl has been to me, and i mean incredible, it just does not match up or even come close to the BPD. It is literally tearing me in two and all i can do is cry. I hardly trust myself to make the right decision, i have succumbed to the BPD's calls many times and everytime i do im reminded as to why i left .. yet there i am right next to her.
That man you describe above is the very reason why im seeking help. I have foreseen this future if i stay with her, i see my life being destroyed and becoming another story. The worst thing is you have no idea how much stability i have brought to this girls life. I read her psych report and it literally broke my heart. Reading her past and mental illness and the reading the meaning i have brought to her life. she wants to move out with me, start a family with me and live happily ever after. But i know this would never happen. Its a pipe dream and unfortunately it cant happen with a person such as this.
Im trying to not set myself up for a life of extreme depression. But im struggling to do this. Isn't it madness to know what the wrong choice is .. yet make it anyway?
Well Mr Muscles I didn't wanna be right.
But if Corny is Chief Scientist after-all, she is just Chief Scientist, no more arguments god damn it.
It's a terrible situation you have found yourself in, but you took a chance on love, which initially was a brave thing, but it just didn't work out. And as for the calls, realistically, you're gonna take many more. Have realistic expectations of your emotional life, you were very bonded and you are still fretting for her safety, it won't die down over night. I suppose what reinforces the decision is that despite being wounded she still isn't respecting you. That ain't cool, especially if you're feeling spent.
You have done a marvellous, honourable job brining stability to her life, I'm jealous she got to have you (in a plutonic lesbo way), but you are not a miracle worker. Every adrenalin sqwert she was releasing you were too. I don't care how much you can lift, adrenaline burns rubber in the veins, ask a PTSD Poof.
I felt so inadequate meeting that guy, no 'wisdom' could fix that, he was BROKEN. His' parents were sick with worry, and the thing he was most scared about was her reappearing. He said "Corny, I know I will crumble because it was like a drug". Unfortunately with BPD you spend a lot of energy appeasing your partner, desperately trying to avert crisis, and lots of people starting drinking a lot more than they did prior to meeting their beloved, so go easy on your self if that is the case, that can be managed and helped along with a health professional in time. No one can be expected to live under that amount of pressure and not crack somehow. My Dad wasn't borderline, but he didn't want to live; knowing someone does not want to live, it breaks spirits; and then he exited accordingly.
Leave hospital for mad Corn Cakes she's already damaged, the Inn is full, I never ever want to meet you in there, I'll take the misery for you.
Good luck with the ladies, but most importantly get well. I'm sure your fiends and family have missed the old you. What will be, will be I guess. Can't predict what will happen for you, sorry.
Have a good cry.
I henceforth name you Creatine Corn.
Now go and get your jim jams on.