Please help

[Tonyboi]

Hi everyone

I've recently discovered I've been someone who has hopped from relationship to relationship,trying to find my happiness in other partners lives.

two and a half years ago I fell in love with a truly beautiful caring woman (inside and out) who is supportive of me and my mental state.

i have always questioned my life's purpose and if I have one and I would usually express my anxious feelings to her to which she was very receptive and helpful . She would always tell me to see a professional or consider meditation ect , although I never took these ideas seriously ., this coupled with my recently speculated depression( over the phone counsellor) has caused significant strain on our relationship.

it started 3 months ago with me asking myself if I truly loved this woman , then I began to think I felt slightly un attracted to her despite obvious physical signs I was. Eventually I realised I could no longer hold her and feel at peace without having negative thoughts racing through my head. I would often think that I should leave her because I felt these feelings of "things shouldn't feel this way" . I truly love this woman and we have decided to take a 3 week break to both see professionals and become better people .

I have considered that I may not be "into her" but this problem has come up before in previous relationships. I also find myself not being able to feel content with anything in my life even visiting my younger 12 yr old brother has become a chore ( it never used to be) , I cannot feel at ease and I DONT want to lose my girlfriend. I don't see how I can feel this way about someone that has always Brought positivity to my life!

Can depression do this? , can it make me second guess the things I was so sure of once? , leaving the woman I love?. I have spent so much time making other people happy in relationships that I believe i may have lost myself . I'll get out of work at the end of the day and have no urge to do anything!, I feel lost .I want to work through this and need help. I have an appointment on Friday 🙏

[white knight]

Hi Tonyboi, welcome

I think your appointment on Friday is a great start and I commend both of you for seeking professional help.

Not all people are effected the same way with mental illness. Your doubts could be for so many reasons, lack of confidence, not knowing or acknowledging what true love is. Like love has so many aspects right? Support, care, being a team, reliance, friendship and so on. And many of us don't expect perfection either. With couples there is often initial love then it develops along the way but you have to work on it proactively...don't forget the flowers!

You seem to lack patience at the moment eg your brother. Better perhaps to take you little bro shopping/movies or some activity. A new computer game? Set aside some real time for him.

We often dwell on things or lack reassurance that we are doing the right thing for ourselves. We have to stop allowing our mind to wander from the basics.

Google Topic: your own worse enemy- beyondblue

Repost anytime

Tony WK

[Tonyboi]

Thank you so much White Knight 🙂

i do feel impatient and wish things would be the same as they once were . I do often bring her flowers and always remind her of what she means for me. She has told me that I need to liven myself more and that she feels as as if I'm relying on her solely firm my happiness. I'm going to do all I can and try my best to make a plan for my future to find what I want out ignore my life, it's so out of the ordinary. So far in my life I have been coasting along working and not much of anything else 😞

[geoff]

Hi Tonyboi, can I also welcome you.

Love in any relationship is always hard work, one day it's beautiful, next day it's different, but with depression it's the same everyday, awful.

It may stop you from wanting to hold somebody, someone you had loved, but now you don't know and the reason why is because depression is holding you back, it's blocking your mind, and certainly not what you had ever wanted, but you can't blame yourself.

That's exactly what I did, I block out my wife, it was damaging my marriage, I didn't want that, but I didn't realise until it was too late.

You have an appointment on Friday, write down your thoughts, it's much easier to hand over this document than try and remember everything you want to say, and yes it can make you second, third or fourth guess, it confuses you, get the help you need.

There's more to this story. Geoff.

[Tonyboi]

Thank you Geoff , I'm sorry to hear things went that way for you and I appreciate you telling me of your experience. The help I have found here in the form of responses has brought me some optimism and hope , I know I love my partner deeply and I believe that with me now seeking help I can love myself also

thank you both so much 🙏