Please help me

[Wokka]

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years and living together for just over 2 years. We have always had a really good relationship, he got on really well with both my kids. My 24 yo daughter was in hospital 2 weeks ago for a serious brain disease and it was a stressful time. My ex is really stressed at work as well. The day started off as normal and then in the afternoon he came home and told me it’s over. He can’t be in a relationship cause he doesn’t need the responsibility. He wants to be single for life. He said he loves me and the kids but just needs to be single. The next day he said he loves me but this is what he does, he gets so far into relationships and then his heart isn’t in it anymore. The next day was he loves me more than anything but he’s not in love with me. So everyday was a new story. He told me he thinks he has bipolar like his mum but I believe he’s suffering from chronic stress or burnout. A few days later he came over to grab some more clothes cause all his stuff is still here. And he sits and has a chat telling me all about work and his weekend. We were laughing and chatting like normal. He then asked how I was coping and I just shrimp shoulders. I asked him how he was coping and he put his head down and started to get teary. I asked him if he ever was going to sit down and explain to me what’s happened and he said yes. But then said he had to go and left in tears. I haven’t heard from him since but he has been talking to my son and they are meeting up this week. I’m so hurt and crushed and I still don’t know what’s going on. I just want him to come home. Has anyone been through anything like this??

[Croix]

Dear Wokka~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. I"m sorry abut your daughter's condition and hope things have improved. As you say it is an incredibly stressful time for all of you.

For your ex to keep chopping and changing wold be very hurtful and leave you feeling lost. It is true that excessive stress can make one do all sorts of things. I mainly just wanted to withdraw, though I never put it in terms of wanting to be single, just be by myself at the time.

I believe if someone's parent has bipolar it may be possible they have a predisposition to the illness and events in life which bring on stress may make the condition morel likely. This is just my own understanding, I'm not a doctor. Your ex may be very conscious of this and have it hanging over his head, which of course creates more stress again.

So I guess the most immediate concern is to see if your ex will seek medical advice. I'm not sure how you go about that. Is there anyone you think he might listen to? Would it be suitable for your son to bring the matter up?

All if this, your daughter's illness, and your ex's behavior will have had an effect on your children to. My I ask if you have support? Are there other family members or freinds to care and help?

I would like it if you came back and talked abut this more, you are not alone.

Croix