plate full - divorce, teenage depression, binge eating, weight gain, facing ex after many years.

[Jane2]

I have so much on my plate. Divorced a few years ago, I don't trust relationships with males. I only have one real female friend as relationships seem so hard to sustain and I don't expect people to like me. I am not lonely but would like someone to do things with. I'm a binge eater for last 30 years, but I'm now binge eating daily. I do work in a stressful, busy job but I do enjoy my work. I'm striving to achieve a new level in my career, but I also worry that I won't achieve my goal and will be disappointed in myself. My ex is not a trustworthy person and we haven't spoken in years. One child talks to dad regularly, one child occasionally and one not at all. I don't want him having contact with the third as she visited him 5 times then yelled that she hated him and would not visit. Now, she is going thru total teenage depression and only leaves her room for school and netball. She has no friends to go out with. I think her depression is making me feel depressed as I'm feeling more helpless. It hurts that I don't know how to help her and don't know what to say. Lastly, my son wants to get married, which means I have to face my ex and I don't know if I could cope, which upsets my son as he wants us both at the wedding. I also don't want my daughter having contact with dad as he does not put her wellbeing first. I don't want to put clothes on and go out as I feel so self conscious about being overweight and ugly. I want to go out and have a life, but it seems like hard work, i have no motivation, I have no one to go out with and I feel guilty leaving my daughter home in her room. I can't get my 2 kids to help with housework so that is overwhelming too. I have put everything into being mum and dad to my kids, but I feel like I'm failing.

[geoff]

hello Jane, I understand how you feel about not trusting males, but I hope that you would like me to reply, and can I just say that this site is secure, we don't know who you are and you only know me by my photo, but will have no idea of where I am, I'm only here to try and help people, but I would like to get back to you.
Trust is our honesty. Geoff

[Starwolf]

Good to meet you, Jane.

There is indeed far too much on your plate...radical surgery on those responsibilities may be necessary to prune some of the stress involved. I have been single Mum and sole carer for a disabled child so understand the pressure of having to be Mum and Dad. I also learned the hard way about the danger of burn-out setting in when personal needs are kept indefinitely on the back burner.

You are the priority at the moment. Everything would be so much easier if you felt better and stronger within yourself. You don't say if you are undergoing treatment for your own issues. If you're not, booking a long GP appointment would be a wise start. You may need to go on a health plan and be referred to a counselor. Please take good care of yourself...much rests on your shoulders.

Is your daughter's depression being treated ? Does she have access to a school counselor? Feeling helpless is an awful feeling. You will find helpful tips in the Supporting someone section at the bottom of this page. Including looking after yourself in the process. You may also check or call Carers Australia (1800 242 636).

It is sad that your children refuse to pull their weight. You may have to exercise pressure on them and be firm about setting tasks. For their own future benefit (and that of their future partners), children must learn the value of fairness and cooperation. Families must pull together in the face of difficulties. Letting one person shoulder the load alone is unacceptable. It soon becomes overload. You need and deserve their support.

Perhaps a family talk is called for. Not only to discuss housework sharing but also for a brainstorming session re how to best handle your son's wedding...for everyone concerned.

Please keep in mind that the easiest way to handle big, complex situations is to break them up into smaller pieces and tackle them one at a time.

Kindest thoughts.

[Jane2]

It's not just trusting males, though my ex was an expert, as he called it... telling people what they wanted to hear. I call it lying. It's also trust in relationships. After 15 years of marriage, I don't believe relationships are forever and who wants to keep getting hurt? When a couple meet, life is fantastic. After a few months or years, this person you lived becomes your worst enemy. How sad. I cant even imaging finding someone that will end happily ever after. I was so lonely when I was married, yet I have never been lonely on my own. being single though means no one to share outings and holidays with, so I tend to stay home a lot.

Its really confusing that humans are social beings and relationships are at the forefront, then why do so many people find relationships hard. Then this leads to exclusion which leads to a feeling of not belonging. I thought at my age, I would be happy with myself, but I'm still evaluating my life daily.

Dealing with my daughter's depression, she has just gone to school councillor who is helping, i feel totally helpless as she does not have friends and I dont understand relationships, so I can't help her.