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Partners and relationship stress - Anyone is welcome to Discussed

Community Member

Hi Everyone. It's my first time posting and concerned about a situation that most men/women encounter in a relationship. If my post makes people uncomfortable and upsetting I do apologies as it's my though and some experiences that I am going through. All opinion are welcome but must be logic.

It's all started when I read articles in Beyond Blue and learned what are people going through where everyone has their issues or problems and is encountering as part of our life. From my understanding and the experiences people out there needs help (due to various reason that in happening in their life), someone want a person to listen (like beyond blue) or someone wants to feel loved and wanting them to keep telling them that they are special and wonderful to be with. Saying that, we become motivated and having a purpose to move on (depending on the individual as not all are the same) But the problem is that people want more that leads to wanting more to heard motivation words from that person which I feel it's not wrong. But what I don't understand is that why you do not believe in yourself even though you are special and wonderful. Yes we need to hear from people first to build up that motivation and spirit but that will not sustain in long period cause there is many reason why someone will not be able to do it in long time due to various reason.

It's like my partner. My partner is a wonderful loving person. Yes not all is great as there are loop holes too. He loves to help people that have problems and do not want them to encounter the same thing as he have been in the street for long time and seen lots of things. So my partner tries to help. However, people upper hand the situation where they want more attention and if not given, the person will show the true identify which I think it's wrong. Sorry to be offensive but everyone has their other life that need to take care of. What make me don't understand is that why some people get so wanting with being noticed when you don't see that in one self? Why you need some one to tell you? I know sometimes life does not treat you well but I believe that what we choose until late. I'm not perfect as I have a very bad temper and horrible jealous character towards my partner helping people that are needed and the argument is like hell. But that's what the person want and I need to understand that even if I do not like. So is that person which secretly helping about.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hello MyLadyGirl.

It sounds like you’re struggling to understand how someone can have a poor opinion of themselves and not be able to rise above it without the help of others. Is that close to what you mean? I guess a lot of what you’re talking about comes down to what it’s like for people who might have low self-esteem, which can be caused by a lot of different things and affects people in a lot of different ways. Sometimes that would mean looking outside to the people around you just to feel that you’re ok.

Perhaps for some people they grew up in an environment where they were not made to feel that they were ok as a person. They may have been neglected or abused by their family, or bullied at school. This can sometimes lead you to think that there must be something fundamentally wrong with you and because you were always made to feel that way it can continue to be hard to break that belief as an adult.

For other people it might be that they are struggling with a mental illness, like depression or anxiety. These conditions can make you feel that you have little self-worth and have low confidence in yourself. Thinking positively about anything becomes difficult, and that extends to how you think about yourself. You might beat yourself up for believing you’re weak or for not being able to achieve everything you want. Low self-esteem is a very common symptom and can be tough to improve without first improving the mental health condition.

For other people it may simply be their personality that they feel like they need reassurance that they’re ok. Maybe they worry that their decision-making is poor because they’ve had negative experiences in their past. Some people, just by their nature, need greater contact and emotional support from others to feel less alone and isolated.

You’re right though that the responsibility shouldn’t always fall heavily on your partner, just because he’s a nice guy and always willing to help. It can be draining for him if he’s always prioritising other people all the time without caring for himself and his own life. I hope this helps. Take care.


Community Member

Hello Alexlisa,

Thank you for replying my post. Yes what you said regrading 'have a poor opinion of themselves and not be able to rise above it without the help of others. Is that close to what you mean' is the one that I am implying on. I agree that not all have self-esteem among themselves as the environment does not permit them to do so. They become like that due to their broken family or abuse or something that can make them traumatized. And I know it’s not their fault. But I am trying to discuss these types of people as I should not.

What am I referring is those people that fall into a situation where they blame others rather themselves not theirs? For an example a relationship with their partners where they break up. They get disappointed cause of the situation. But isn’t the problem would be probably caused of you- yourself. Let me put this, my partner help people to lift themselves up. My partner does not mind them asking or sending post about themselves just for them to build their self-esteem due to reason of family or partners problem. So, these people take advantages with the situation where they want more. More of meeting to talk. taking about their situation and etc don’t they know that people have their own life to live for. What you are having everyone goes through as it's part of life and it's reality. These then complicate the relationship with their partner where argument start, and conflict develop. I am very happy that my partner is helping these people. It’s a noble thing that my partner is doing and as the partner I have given him full support and understanding even though I am a jealous person.

I understand that people do make mistake. I have done a lot of mistakes of my own too but that does not mean that I will repeat the situation. I should compromise upon the situation. There are many people that are comes from different background that falls in this situation. Me coming from a different culture, believes and way of style adapted Australia culture. Australia is a multinational people. I have left my country but not what I am (Yes not all can be like me) If you loose yourself with these believe then anxiety and depression happen. Just stay who you are and what you believe in. That's what I don't understand!!