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Partner Working Away. Not Coping

Community Member

Hi All,

My partner works away 9 days on and off on a rotating roster.

I know 9 days doesn't seem like long to some but for me, at the moment, it feels like a lifetime.

I suffer from mixed anxiety and depression and have done..well..forever basically. I can usually manage with my techniques, exercise and eating well, but lately I am experiencing a yo-yo of emotions with him coming and going.

I've tried everything. Getting out, talking to people, most people's advice is pretty flat or they don't understand why I am upset.

From what I've read staying in contact with them as much as possible helps but I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to him while he's away. It makes it worse. He puts in alot of effort to be in contact.

I love my partner and he is very kind and patient but the last time I can remember me being in a good place mentally was when I was single and didn't have to go through the coming and going.

I feel like my life is in limbo when he's gone and I just cannot shake the anxiety. When he's home I'm happy but dread him leaving and count down the days.

I feel like I'm being ungrateful and needy but I'm trying everything I can.

Any advice? Anyone going through something similar?

Sorry for the lengthy post guys. Xx

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Karenh

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thankyou for posting too!

You are not ungrateful or needy in any way. 9 days is a long time...a very long time Karen. I would find it a lifetime if I had a partner that was away for that long...seriously. I have had acute anxiety for a while and then depression afterwards (after dealing with the anxiety) I was recently a senior white collar exec up until January this year.

I dont really have any advice as I dont have a girlfriend and if I did I would have a really hard time with her being away for 9 days. But thats just me of course....it would drive me nuts

If I may ask you Karenh, you have mentioned anxiety a couple of times.....does your anxiety have an physical symptoms....as in lack of quality sleep or heart palpitations...or tightness in the chest?

You are a pro-active and kind hearted person Karen and I do empathise with what you are going through only because I couldnt do it. (with all due respect to your partner of course)

If you wish to elaborate on your anxiety I may be able to be of more support 🙂

Your post was not lengthy at all Karen. There are many gentle people that can be here for you. I hope you can post back when you can.

My kindest thoughts for you Karenh


Community Member

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your understanding reply.

My anxiety symptoms can vary. Somedays it's a dull lingering fear and some times it's a sharp onset of breathlessness and heart palpitations. Mix some general depression in there.

I can manage the severe onsets now with breathing techniques and rationalization.

I beat anxiety for a good 7 months, I was in a really good place but then my partner and I got together and ever since I have been getting these onsets when he leaves until he comes back.

I have a different symptom from most in that I do not suffer from lack of sleep but I can't get enough, I always wake tired no matter what. It gets hard to peel myself out of bed.

I know when my anxiety began. It was during a domestic violence relationship 5 years ago. Don't get me wrong I was always slightly anxious. Even as a child but not to this point.

My partner listens and accepts that I will always struggle with it but I don't think he fully understands how it can take hold.

I'm not in the worst place I have ever been with it but I'm afraid of it creeping back in and taking a hold of me again.

Usually my anxiety has been irrational fears and intrusive thoughts but it's different this time. I can see the trigger and there's nothing I can do to change the situation. In some ways the irrational fears was easier to deal with because I can turn that off.