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Partner wants me to move interstate with her...
First time poster on this site so bare with me. I have a partner of close to only 12months. I love her alot but we have had a few issues recently. We broke up about a month ago but over the past few weeks we have managed to get back together and are working on things. When we broke up she said she was going to move to another city and have a fresh start on things in her life. She has had a few personal issues over the past 12months (nothing to do with me) that has made living where she currently does not the greatest for her. So we are now back together and she acknowledges that moving interstate is now going to be harder for her but she still wants to do it. Shes applied for jobs and flying up for an interview for one this week. She has said she wants me to come with her. I am so confused and torn by this. There is a ten year age difference between us with me being older. I've done the whole moving interstate thing before and have been back in my home city for 5 years. I was also very close to making a fairly big career move potentially going into business for myself. However I love this girl alot. Thats where Im torn. In her head she needs to make the move for her own mental health reasons and I would feel bad making her make a decision to stay. I guess where Im torn is the fact she broke up with me a month ago. Ytes we have gotten back together and we have clearly discussed the reasons why she broke up with me and it all makes sense. We are actually going to see a relationship counsellor tonight to discuss a few things. Moving to the new city doesnt scare me. I can see the exciting aspects to it but I have a large support network where i and it would be sad to leave that. Theres also the risk we could break up and then I've also missed out on potential career options had I stayed.
So yeah very confused and just looking for other peoples opinions.
I am sorry you are in this predicament.
That is a big ask from your girlfriend to expect you to up and move to another city. Especially considering you have broken up recently. I can certainly understand your worries.
Perhaps if your girlfriend feels the need to start fresh in a new state, maybe that’s something she needs to do on her own. After all if you have worked things out why does she still want to move away? It sounds like you have your life cemented where you are currently. Maybe do what’s right for you and she can do what’s right for her? I understand you love her, but moving isn’t a small decision. Sometimes it’s better to follow your head rather than your heart, I have made this mistake in the past.
I wish you all the best, hopefully the counsellor will give you both more guidance.
Hi Marty and warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums
Life is sounding difficult for you - trying to make decisions that you think will impact on you, your life and career.
I'm not a health professional, though I can relate my experience. Some 38 years ago, I met my husband (who was visiting my friend) at a Christmas eve party. Within 3 weeks he'd asked me to come and live with him in another state.
At that time, life was not good for me. My mother was threatening to move in with me. To cut a very long story short. I applied for work in the city my husband lived and found work about a fortnight later. Within the month, I'd packed up and moved.
Had no idea whether it was going to work out or not. He was a lovely person, I cared for him and thought I loved him. Was not sure though if I could live with him. That was 38 years ago now. We're still together, very much care for one another, love one another deeply. It was the best decision I ever made! Built a new network of friends and work colleagues.
BTW, I too worked in a field that I changed when I moved states. I subsequently went back to that field after about 12 months in the new city. With a promotion! So it all worked out in the long run.
Have you talked with a close friend or family member about how you're feeling or what you're considering? Talking helps significantly.
Maybe sit and make a list of the pros and cons, e.g.
- What's the best and worst that could happen if you went?
- What's the best and worst that could happen if you didn't go?
Hope some of this helps Marty. Keep reaching out.
Exactly! From my perspective that's how I see it. When I left one city for another on knowing someone for such a short period of time - it was a high risk. For me it paid off, though I developed contingency plans if it didn't work. Like what was I going to do, return to my original city, or start a different life were I was? I had work in the new city so it was pretty easy for me.
Let us know how you get on Marty. I'm intrigued now to hear what you decide.