- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Partner Unwilling to Move
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Partner Unwilling to Move
I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged.
I have spoken to my partner and asked them how they would feel about moving to be with me whilst I study. Every conversation on the subject results in him stating he is not going to move, despite the fact he only works a part time job and doesn’t have any goals to study or further his career.
I have suggested he stays in Brisbane until he finds a job in the other city and then moves down at a later stage. I have also suggested long distance as an option, to no avail.
Whilst I have 5 months to think about the decision as to whether I should stay and complete the Juris Doctor in Queensland or move, I am constantly feeling worried and anxious about the cessation of my relationship. I want to remain with my partner but am faced with a moral dilemma. I have always wanted to attend this specific university and I feel if I don’t go, I will regret my decision and lay blame on my partner.
Should I stay in QLD and attempt to save the relationship, or follow my aspirations to study at this university?
This is a subjective topic really but here is my views
If this is the only major hurdle in your relationship then I'd suggest it isn't fair on him to be expected to move.
For many people home is home, relatives, friends, familiar surrounds - home.
If this was your dream and that dream included a move to Canberra, one day, then it's a mandatory topic to be discussed at the beginning of the relationship. Then choices could be made with less trauma.
I'm sorry as it means a tough choice.
I suppose you have considered this but is there a a Juris doctor course online at the university you have chosen? Maybe part online part face to face. I think today there are more options.
Or one closer to where you live?
It is up to you . I am not sure how long you have been together.
Hello BocajP, a warm welcome to the site.
A question if I may ask, would you be happy staying and doing your Juris Doctor course in Brisbane or would doing it in another city be more beneficial or once there would you miss your finance too much.
Sometimes emotion outweighs logic, especially after being together for a year, plans may have been made for the future, but a hurdle is facing you and it's a large decision that needs to be made.
If you move then your friends will remain but you will need to become accustomed to making new friends, and whether or not the new environment suits you won't be known until you're there.
The decision has to be made as to what's going to be best for you in the future, unfortunately, I can't say but only propose different ideas to think about.
I understand your dilemma in being torn between your dreams and a relationship. This sentence to me says it all: I will regret my decision and lay blame on my partner. Your decision should be the thing that causes you no (or the least) regret. Your partner sounds very inflexible - from what you say, he clearly has the capacity to move but doesn't want to. You've already offered him so many options, including an option to go long distance if he's that adamant about not moving, and he has rejected even that. He's not even giving you any option in this matter. He's trying to make you accommodate him without even meeting you halfway. That makes me wonder if this relationship will even work for you in the long term.
Happiness in a relationship is more than just about your partner, it's also about how fulfilled you feel. If you don't pursue your dreams and give this up for him, then in the future, you'll always feel bitter about how much you've given up for him, especially when things don't go according to your plan or when you feel you're giving up too much for him.
Welcome. I think that you are already more than half way to your decision and Emmen has summed it up perfectly.
A loving partner will support their counterpart and make sacrifices to do so if it is something that means a lot to them.
Your partner has not listed reasons for not helping you, just a blank refusal.
As this obviously means a great deal to you and will in all probability be a matter of increasing bad feelings if no effort at all is made to assist you with what is after all a very practical and worthwhile dream then I'd be hesitant to expect better in the future on other matters.
If your partner is determined to stay then if there are good reasons you need to be able to talk it over fully, this has not happened. This does not seem like an ideal start to a partnership
If you partner has not got your back it is no partnership - and that includes discussions and compromise .
Hello BocajP, that sounds to be good, did it take much persuasion?
Welcome to the forums.
Sorry you have this dilemma, I think you already know what you're going to do and I see that you were very respectful, honest and transparent at the beginning of your relationship about moving.
Having the opportunity of fulfilling your dreams of enrolling in the University of your choice doesn't come up all the time for the rest of your life.
In addition, fulfilling the career sector of your life will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life.
Expecting one's partner to move for 1 year, in this situation, is reasonable IMHO.
But if he doesn't want to move or be open to discussion on the subject, on an LDR or anything like it either, then I agree with Croix in all his points.
Your partner could be seeing it from many ways, like and adventure or true love that he'd go to the ends of the earth for - romantic to some perhaps, but if that's the depth from your partner's side then I think you'd be seeing a different reaction.
Then the element of commitment and perhaps love itself is absent to a considerable degree. I'm sorry to pass this information.
Follow your goals.