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partner struggling and closed off
i was hoping for some advice from anybody who has been in my shoes (or the shoes of my SO)
they have spoken more and more of their anxiety and depression. i ask how I can help and recommend getting help, which they have been.
Each time they mention their feelings or give an example, I get significant frustration from them if i offer help, general support or to listen etc. its like they want to tell me things but not hear anything back?
i get told that its not fair to drag me into this, or they dont deserve me and they are shutting me out of all emotional topics... but they bring it up, i just really have nothing i can say or do that seems right
any advice???? or good types of thngs to say to sum1 who is really shut off and doesnt want to open up?
I don't know your gender or your partners but the following thread might help.
Beyondblue topic talking to men- some tips
Also, patience is not what a lot of us have-
Beyondblue topic supermarket shelves
A change of environment can be more effective than what people think
Beyondblue topic distraction and variety
I hope those threads help. It isn't easy to just listen without input. The person with the mental illness also has a responsibility to make effort to convey what they want/need in a conversation about their struggles.
Carers are not mind readers
Good Morning, when someone we love develops depression, it's something we never hoped would happen, unfortunately, there could be many other circumstances why this does occur and no, we can't be mind readers as Tony has said.
You are not to blame as it isn't easy to communicate when they are suffering from any type of depression, simply because what you say maybe true and meaningful but they may not understand or have the ability to even want to, as you encourage them to get the help they need.
People suffering are incapable of answering the questions they're asked, and suggested when they want to talk they have the floor, sorry but I'm not qualified to mention this, but know from myself when in depression.
What they say could quite easily change from minute to minute, that's what this illness does and the best advice would be to suggest them seeing their doctor.
Hope to hear back from you.
I guess is very hard to just say and do nothing and be shut out cos now I'm worried that this relationship is over and then I won't be able to help her any more and I really worry about her. she is such a good person and has very low self esteem . . I have just tried to love her best I can but I don't think she things she deserves love or maybe she just didn't love me which is just as painful
I can't eat or sleep, I've got my own issues to deal with but I can't even think about then
thank you, Medo. Very kind of you to reply.
i will be there, every single step of the way.
I havent watched any videos yet but I will. I have been getting some therapy to better understand what i can do, but it is hard as they are really shut off and never wish to have a 2 way coinversation about how they are feeling. i feel letting her know how muhc i care and love is just going to push her away. i really just wish i knew what she was fearing andfor her to just be open. but i know its really hard.
becuasde there is no communication about it i am fully in the dakr. not sure if she wants this relationship to even go on. ill double down, ill strap in for the rolldercoaster but i guess i cant expect to know. i just have to be here. thank you agin