Partner left me says doesn't love me anymore :(

[LoyalBlues]

Hello there i'm a 28 year old male i have had depression/anxiety for over 10 years, I have not worked for some time now, I was with my partner for 3 n half years until she recently had told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me anymore while we were waiting in my psychiatrist's waiting room an while i was just about to get my life on track (was seeing a job seeker trying to get a job for our future) I'm left more depressed than i have ever been, My depression first started when my first love of 4 years left me, Some years later i met another girl of which we weren't "official" but when she left me for some one who was serious i was depressed and heart broken again because i was coming around to making it official then i met this girl (my now ex) she also was going through a breakup "separated" and then a divorce when i had first met her and so we fell in love and everything was good..

The thing is i have never loved a girl and showed it so much in my life she had a miss carriage some months ago after we were trying to have a child, But now she says she just wants to be be happy and doesn't want me in my life, She understands my condition and knows its not fair but she says she just cant be with me she was crying and stuff i'm guessing from guilt?, Now the thing is she thinks i'm a bum and that i'm never going to work and that i'm going to just bludge off her but this is not the case at all i have never asked or taken a cent off her i was genuinely going to get a job and do some online courses at the same time and was going to buy a engagement ring and get engaged to her this year on our 4 year anniversary (she didn't know this) also she has a big family and at the start (few years ago) i didn't want to meet them all and stuff because of anxiety and shyness but as our relationship dragged on she never asked me to again but i wanted to an i was ready.

 She went overseas for 3 months during our relationship i waited and stayed loyal to her, In all honesty i'm not a bad guy and she says i'm not bad or did anything really wrong but its just she fell out of love, I'm a tall good looking guy (some say) i'm a great cook i know how to work on computers,cars,motorbikes etc and i'm very smart with general knowledge, Now she had lost love for me before around 2 years ago but after she said she will try she was good and our relationship was great.

[geoff]

dear LoyalBlues, it's never easy when a relationship you want to keep breaks up, due to whatever circumstances or
reasons the other person has given you, even though you love her so much, but by having depression this can happen
so many times and it's so unfortunate that not even love can hold you both together.
I'm sure you're a very capable and handy person but because you have been depressed this was unable to be shown to her.
People fall out of love for many reasons and if you're unable to show her your skills, then she and probably her family
decided that it was time for her to move on, however you were unable to overcome your depression so her family thought
it would be better to find another person.
I don't think that her trip overseas has helped the relationship survive, because 3 months being by herself then a lot
could have happened which you may not know about, however I'm not saying that something did happen, but she was alone
and thought that she wants that now.
When someone gets depression many people don't understand what it can do to us, so they are oblivious to our needs and
conditions of what we may want or what we don't want, and for her to explain all of this to her family would just make
those who are critical want her to move on.
There is no easy solution when someone you love just gets up and leaves, because it leaves an enormous hole in our
heart, and can only be patched up when you meet someone else.
Your depression has been a long drawn out affair, and by this happening isn't going to make it an easier for you, so I'm
so sorry for you.
I hope that you can still post back to us, because we want to help you on your journey. Geoff.

[LoyalBlues]

 Hello geoff thanks for the reply i appreciate it,

She lives very close to me (walking distance) i love her deeply and i cant stop crying when i'm alone in my room i cant stop looking at photo's of her i just want her back i want to spend the rest of my life with her and have kids and be with her family and pay off a house for us but i think she doesn't believe i want all that she thinks i'm the same how i was, She keeps saying we are on different pages and that she is a hard worker and i am not, but this is false! 

[LoyalBlues]

Instead of showering after i wake up i tend to shower in the night, I pretty much cry myself to sleep at the start it was hard to cry perhaps from the medication but once i did i cant stop, I cant see myself finding another girl or even being interesting it trying to find one or want one, We had something special and i wish i could get it back, I think if she was just friends with me that would help me cope alot better because like i said i have no friends, But she says she cant be friends but she still cares but doesn't love me.

[LoyalBlues]

I have no friends anymore i have a tiny to non existent family and she was my best friend and lover! I don't go to clubs or anything like that i don't want to meet some one else and do the whole trying to date and learn some one new all over again because that might not work out, I feel like i'm on limited time because ideally i wanted to have a kid by 25 and now extended that to 30, i have only one year and half left i cannot meet and jump into having a kid in that quick time, I really want her badly i'm at the point where i really do want to end my life this isn't fair i have no one and i really love this girl like crazy i just wish she held on abit longer because she would of seen a great change in me, At the start of our relationship we didn't want the same things i told i dont want kids stuff like that but more deeper in relationship i did. Apparently she had been losing the love she had for me a couple months prior to when she dumped me, And just a couple week before she dumped me i had started medication but also going through withdrawals of my previous medication and i said to her i didn't want to be with her anymore in a text message i was feeling angry and awful from the medication withdrawal (i'm back on another medicaiton and feel much better) She called me slightly crying and said its the meds playing with my head an kept telling me she loved me etc She said she would let me relax and let the meds settle in my system, Then she went on a week end trip away with her family and when she got back broken up with at my psychiatrist's office. I guess i feel really lost and sad because i really do love her and i want to marry her and start a family an stuff despite her saying shes not happy with me and just wants to be happy i know for a fact i always put a smile on her face! She would even admit that, I would like to also add which i should have said earlyer, She has a Tumor on her pituitary gland i'm not sure if that plans a roll with her feelings or what no if anyone has big knowledge on that? I'm lost i have no drive to do anything even just showering....

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[geoff]

dear LoyalBlues, I certainly don't profess to know anything about her having a 'Tumor on her pituitary gland'
only from what I have read on the net, which you probably would have read about, but one symptom it says is that
there could be an 'overproduction of hormones'and how this affects the person are rather staggering and would cause her
to be alarmed at what it can do, so for me to only hypothesis, as I'm certainly not qualified to comment on this,
however by her having this could change how she feels, and what may happen, so I'm sure that she is worried about
this and perhaps doesn't want you to be with her.
I could also see that her family doesn't want to cope with this 'overproduction' as well as try and help you get
through your depression, as her family may want to take charge of this situation without any other complications. Geoff.

[pipsy]

Dear LoyalBlues.  If your friend does indeed have a tumor on her pituitary gland, she is going to need treatment.  This may indeed cause all sorts of problems with her mental state.  It may also stop her from wanting to make any decision regarding a future.   Once she is getting whatever help she needs, perhaps then you and she could discuss a possible future.  Her Dr would be the best person to discuss if she can have children.  The pituitary gland is also responsible for the menstruation cycle.  She's right about the situation with the meds causing problems for you too. Wait till she knows what's happening with this tumor, then if she will talk to you, discuss it then.  I would just let her know (no pressure), that you love her.  Try and be a bit patient with her, she's scared, you are too.  Don't tell her you're scared, she doesn't need to know that.  Just let her know you're there if she wants to talk.  If she doesn't, don't push.          

[LoyalBlues]

Hey people sorry for the delay I have been trying and trying to get her back all this time with alot of sweet things and gestures especially on valentines day and i still am but i think i have pushed her way to far away now but iv never loved anything in my life so much more than her! I think i have to just let it be and just prey she will relies what she has walked away from the hormone that was affected by her tumor was Prolactin Unsure what increased Prolactin has on moods, But i also found out alot more information that she had been hiding from me that was heart breaking, I'm trying to cope but its so hard! I want her but i also need her to want me first as obviously there is no point being with some one if they don't feel the same way, Everyone is telling me to back off give space even for few months but i still tend to do stalking stuff and text her i cant help it... I have a new job now i thought that would help but it really hasn't my arms and legs are moving but my mind is on her constantly just playing over an over in my  mind, Thanks for all the reply's really appreciate it and sorry about my grammar/punctuation, She is perhaps reading this i don't know but her and her family know i love her deeply but it sucks she don't feel the same way she really deserves to be happy and i know she was happy with me!