My ex and I were together for a year before breaking up. Throughout
this time, though he loved me would push me away with these comments usually
during an argument. Once for example he said “well we are not that serious”.
Never mind that he just dropped $1500 on my birthday and met each other’s
families and he told me I was the One.
I knew on some level it was insecurity speaking (he has had
depression, doesn’t talk to his mom, doesn’t feel adequate, feels like he’s not
good enough) but I would in the moment get upset and we would argue. When I
mentioned going to therapy, he said “what if it doesn’t work? Are you still
going to be there for the long haul?” I assured him I was.
Post-breakup, he cried and told me he was just a loner and
had to be alone. He told me he would love me forever, that he hates that he is
such a loser, that he can’t stop crying, that he hates himself for hurting me,
etc.
We talked a few weeks later and he mentioned that he felt
like I could easily get rid of him for another man. I felt terrible and tried
to reassure him that wasn’t the case, but he just stood his ground and said he’s
a loner. But he also said he still loved me.
We both still care for each other and I would like to
somehow make this work. I know I can’t change him but how do I get past his
wall? How can I be there for someone who wants to keep me arms length? I feel
like if I love him enough and show him I won’t go anywhere he will let me in,
but I don’t know if that’s just a fantasy.
We are still on speaking terms. Any thoughts?
