Partner facing jail

[GemAndLogan]

Hi all,

My partner struggled with an ice addiction for about a year and a half.

He is now clean and has been for around 6 months, he's doing really well now and I'm proud of him.

However he is still dealing with the mistakes he made while using the drug which included some illegal activities and almost destroying our relationship by being unfaithful.

We have managed to work through everything and are in a good place but the legal ramifications are ongoing.

He may be facing jail and we are both terrified.

I wish the judge could just see he is a good person who made a mistake, he pays for that mistake every day and will never go back.

I understand that there are consequences to all actions but i think jail will be a backwards step.

I'm really stressed out about it and cant imagine what i'll do if he does go.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before?

[white knight]

Hi G and L, welcome.

"Jail" is a terrifying word. However in some ways there is little to woory about because its the time served thats the punishment, not direct punishment of any sort. Loss of freedom is the punishment.

I was a prison officer back in the1970's. The rule of thumb for survival in jail without conflict with other inmates is a low profile. He's best not getting too friendly with any that such friendship continues after jail...that wont serve you both well. But friendly enough not to be a target.

He may not go to jail. If that happens he has a great chance of a good uninterupted life with you because you are committed and supportive. You are also forgiving which is a beaut trait.

Everyone deserves a second chance. If he knows good people that can vouch for his new attitude they would be good references in court at sentence.

Tony WK

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello G and L, your partner deserves to be congratulated for giving up this addiction, because any addiction is never easy to give up, nor is it easy to own up to being unfaithful, but for you to able to accept this, as most people would end their r/ship when this happens.
The result would depend on his legal representation as well as the magristrate and whether a deal can brokered with to make amends, but what does concern me is whether he is determined to stay away from this addiction, especially when the two of you have an argument, as this could be something the magistrate may ask him.
Please let us know how he gets on. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Gem and Logan,

I've not been in your situation so can only offer some suggestions. It may help to phone Legal Help Line 1300 366 424 they may be able to suggest ways to gather positive support as suggested by Tony.

Family Drug support 1300 368 186

Beyondblue 1300 22 4636

Maybe even having a chat to your local police officers might provide some suggestions.

Like you mentioned, unfortunately there are consequences for our actions. If there is a possibility your partner may go to jail, it will be beneficial for you to organise now how you will manage if that does happen.

Consider who you can rely on for help and support. Sort out your finances. Find a counsellor and book sessions, you can always cancel them if you don't need them.

Work with your partner now to sort out as many issues as you can in case this happens.

Does he do the finances and pay the bills? Find out how all of that works.

There is a thread here called "Regret over my son's incarceration". It is quite a long running thread and I am not sure how active it is anymore. There may be people still connected to it who may be able to offer you suggestions as they have experienced loved ones being in jail.

I really do hope you both manage to find the help and support you require. If you don't mind me asking, does your partner have a date set for trial?

Start researching and asking questions now. Seek out supportive people and organisations. The more you know, the better you will be able to cope with this situation.

Cheers for now from Dools

[GemAndLogan]

Thank you for your advice and kind words.

We have sorted the finances etc in case he does go in.

He has a reputable legal team but they frustrate me because they seem to be too busy and about just making money rather than doing their best for him.

The problem is also he refuses to talk about what may happen if he goes in because he doesn't even want to entertain that idea as being a possibility.

I honestly just want to move on from everything that has happened and leave it in the past but at this stage it's just dragging on because of this legal stuff and its exhausting.

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Dools,

I will have a look for that thread, thank you very much : )

Luckily we both manage our households finances so that will be ok.

I have been seeing a psychologist for sometime but to be honest I find these forums more helpful because people on here have actually experienced some of the things I've been through and I can relate to them better than a psychologist.

Court is later this month.

One of my main fears is not being able to move forward while he's in jail, we'll both be stuck in this crappy time rather than being able to get to where we want to be

Thanks so much

Gem

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your supportive words, they really do help.

I know he is desperate to stay away from drugs of any kind and he has been seeing a counselor, going to rehab every week and passing all his weekly drugs tests.

I just want to move on and for him to move on with his recovery but right now we feel stuck dealing with all this stuff.

I'll let you know how he goes

Gem

[GemAndLogan]

Hi WK,

Reading your perspective was interesting, I will try to pass that onto my partner.

Definitely the thought of "jail" and the fact that it's unknown to both of us is the scary factor

Thank you for your kind words too

Gem

[white knight]

Hi again thanks for your apprecuation. We done always get replies.

I just wanted you to think about scheduled plans. This meansavoiding talk about jail and focussing discussion about 5 and 10 year plans. Eg "lets plan a trip to NZ in 5 years". "Lets hope we will start a family before 10 years together" and so on. If he is incarcerated you can ram home these plans. It will provide thoughts of his future when he is released.

A similar discussion here (google)

Topic: planning a healthier mind- beyondblue

Tony WK

[white knight]

Also, we have a current thread alled "turning negatives into positives" by a champion called Markjt. Some interesting stories there.

Tony WK