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Partner calls names and tells me it's all me.

Community Member


so today I am just not sure any more for the past 4 days my partner and I have been argueing over nothing. But whenever I say anything he doesn't like or do not do what he tells me to do, he starts calling me names like pyscho, crazy, spoilt brat, jealous, control freak, nut job, compolsive liar, abusive. He just continues and when I walk away he follows me saying all these things. He also starts saying that I blame him for my mother cancer and for having a c section even though I have never brought it up. When I start crying he tells me I need to grow up and I am a shit mother and I am pathetic. I get so worked up I start yelling at him to stop or leave me alone then he will start video taping me and telling me he is going to show everyone how crazy I really am.

I feel so confused is there something wrong with me and how do I fix myself. I also just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant even though I really wanted another child, I did not want one yet. But I am and I feel like I can't stop crying I ended up telling him as it was in planned and he looked at me and said I was manipulative and I planned all of this. He look at me and swore. And drive off. Help I don't know where to go or what to do. My family already are very weary of him and I don't want to burden them. I want to be the best person/ mother I can be and I am really struggling when he is home.

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi sadmum.

I can see the problem clearly. I have some remedies to. Proven ones. The only thing you need is commitment from both of you. He eother agrees and sticks to this plan or he doesmt. If he doesnt thete is little you can do.


For you- please read- (use google) , the first post there only.

Topic: the definition of abuse- beyondblue.

Now that you have read that and you will confirm he abuses you I have a disclaimer in that we only get one side of the story. Usually a partner also inflames the situation also.

Secondly google

Topic: relationship strife? The peace pipe- beyondblue

That first post explains golden rules. My wife and I have fully committed ourselves to several " golden rules" mentioned in that first post. I.e no driving, no leaving the property, mutual respect to allow the other to speak or to have a break.

No name calling!

After you have implemented these rules together you must monitor your relationship. Substantial improvement is crutial or it wont work.

Finally, get counseling. That will reaffirm his abuse is outragious. You need to be open to the likelihood you could be triggering him also, unintentionally.

Good luck.

Tony WK

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Sadmum01,

Thank you for your post.

I want to start of by saying that I'm so glad that you're here; it makes me sad hearing that you are being called those things and sadder still that you're believing it feeling like you want to 'fix yourself'.

Nobody needs to be fixed and nobody is broken. Those things that you are hearing are awful and nobody should have to hear them. They aren't criticisms on your behaviour; they are insults on you as a person.

Can you think for a second what would happen if your best friend told you this? Or if a daughter said this was happening in a relationship? It is not okay.

I really want to help support you through this but I think the first thing is to try and recognise is that it is absolutely not you and that you don't deserve to be treated this way.

I really encourage you to have a look through this site - https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/types-of-abuse/verbal-abuse/

I hope that you can find a way to see yourself as worthy and none of these things and that this resonates with you in some way.