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Partner breaking up due to depression/children

Community Member

My partner of 5 years has had depression for at least 10 years and has been on the same medication (that I know of). We each have our own children and we happily live separately for now, with an intent to cohabitate in the future. My partner has children in their late teens that rarely come to visit/stay.

We have a wonderful healthy, happy, respectful, honest and kind relationship. We never argue except for when his children visit. Initially they liked me, however they suddenly turned and for the past 3 years they disrespect me and/or ignore me. The children won't invite me to family gatherings or events. My partner doesn't like confrontation and finds it difficult to enforce respect from them. He is also fearful he will lose all contact with them.

He has ended our relationship twice before. My disdain about his kids behaviour has sent his already depressed state into flight mode. Both times I should of respected his space but I was too concerned for him (and also very hurt) to leave his side during the time and we ended up reconciling (and him regretting the breakup) about 2-3 weeks later on both occasions.

Recently I felt my partner was feeling down due to a financial worry. Following an exhausting discussion carried out over the last 4 days regarding his children's behaviour towards me and my request for some boundaries to be sent via email to them, he broke up with me via email yesterday stating he was leaving the country. I believe he has and has switched his phone off.

He has blamed himself for letting his children cause me to be hurt and wrote he is "breaking up with me". I have no idea where he is or for how long.

I will respect his space this time however I am devastated. I think the ongoing issue with his kids we can resolve together over time. Although not living together, we have a very committed relationship. As early as last week we both had discussed we were happy being with each other.

Does this sound like it's a permanent separation? Do I email him in a few days? I am deeply sorry for causing him pain.

I would really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi Nadine

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation.

Do you have any idea or even a hint of what may have happened/been said to make his kids turn on you suddenly?

you've come to the right place though. Wishing you all the best.

Community Member

Hi Spikeo,

Thank you for your reply.

My partner has asked his children on many an occasion and they don't provide an answer. Initially we got on very well for about a year and it was a sudden unexpected snap from them. They have witnessed nothing but kindness and respect between their Father and I.

Neither my Partner or myself can work out why. It is possibly either their resentment of their Dad being in his first 'long term & committed' relationship and/or the Mother of the children (who remarried) never accepting our relationship. She continues to cause him grief over the years unfortunately.

Community Member

Hi Nadine A,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

As someone who has come from split up parents there can be some level of resentment towards the mother or fathers new partner. It was interesting that it was ok at the start and then the resentment came in which makes me think it was from an outside source that they grew a distaste for you rather than on their own thinking, if that makes sense.

I am sorry to hear about the break up and I know when both parties have children it can make the whole thing tougher and it sounds like he is torn on how to handle the whole situation between yourself and the children and is picking his children which a lot of parents would do as much as it pains me to say it. By the sounds of it however you have reconciled before and I think a nice email in a day or two will go a long way toward that if it truly something you want back.

My best for you,