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Parenting marriage or living together but separated

pvroom
Community Member

Does anyone have experience of staying together in the same house as parents but ending the romantic aspect of a relationship?

I think it is the best choice for my husband and I as we cannot live separately and I believe can live together as parents but not husband/wife.

7 Replies 7

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear pvroom,

I don’t have any experience living as your say in your post..but I have been thinking about it and some things came to my mind about your situation....

I’m wondering if by saying living seperate lives not as husband and wife..if you have set boundaries at all...I mean you still have children at home and want to nurture them together...which is good...not knowing their ages, I’m wondering how this will impact on them...growing up without a loving relationship between their parents...also what if your husband bings home someone that he is seeing and gets serious with...or visa versa...or one of you go out on a date with someone...how would the other feel.....How is this going to effect you both and your children....

I think it will be hard to do...even with strict boundaries put in place...these are my thoughts only...no experience living separate lives, while living and parenting together...

Im wondering if your children are old enough to understand the changes that will occur...and if you have both sat down with them and explained to them what is or will be happening shortly.....

My kindest thoughts with care...

Grandy..

pvroom
Community Member
We would absolutely have to have boundaries. We are not at that point yet. We are in counselling but I'm not feeling that anything is changing. My children are not old enough to understand

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi pvroom,

My parents did this for around 15 years. I grew up not witnessing a loving relationship. I would go to my friend's houses and see their parents kissing and think that was extremely weird. This is something to think about

When they finally separated and moved out, we were all so much happier. It is hard on young children though, my parents officially moved out and everything when I was a teenager. I have a great stepdad now and I am so happy to see my mother happy and in a loving relationship. My dad is single still but he is happier too. My siblings and I are therefore overall happier seeing them happy. I am also now in a great relationship so I do know what romance should look like ahah.

I'm not saying to divorce and move out - this depends on a lot of factors such as your children's age, financial obligations etc. Every situation is different! If you feel it is best for your family to stay in one house - it may be hard but that's what you should do. Trust your gut. Although it may be confusing for the children to see their parents in separate rooms, and more in a friendship rather than a romantic relationship. Especially if you plan to see other people (my parents didn't until it was official).

You will all be OK.

Jaz.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Pvroom, this can possibly happen, my wife slept in another room for several months and we behaved as two different parents before she moved out then divorced, mind you, it was all my fault as I was the one with depression, but we still communicate often during the week now.

If your children are too young to understand, then perhaps just tell them that the snoring is so loud, that's why you're sleeping in another room.

Kids are resilient and will adapt to how the family is behaving and perhaps tell them that you have both had an argument and that's why the situation is the way it is and it probably won't be the first time it's happened.

You can live together but not as parents.

Geoff.

We already sleep in separate rooms and have coslept with one kid each for the last 4 years. 

Yes we already sleep in separate rooms, no affection for several years except the occasional hug or chaste kiss. I don't think the kids would know what was 'missing'. They need to see happy parents

 

We have separated and will continue to live together as co-parents with separate lives and as a family. It's unusual but there is no conflict

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi pvroom,

From your responses, you already seem fairly firm in your mind on this decision. I’m just wondering what are the reasons that mean you can’t live separately and think it will be the best decision for you both? How does your husband feel about the decision? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to understand your situation better.

Juliet