Panic shame and desperation

[Hepa4300]

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, I just need to get this out of me.

As my relationship with my wife continues to deteriorate I have started having panic attacks, I have had a few now that I can only describe as the worse feeling I have ever had. I lose control mentally physically emotionally, I’m on the outside of myself, everything feels wrong. I had strong thoughts of hurting myself or worse, I wanted to sit under the tree in our yard and let go, the pull was strong,

I got up and went to the kitchen. I tried to explain with my thoughts I had no control, but she didn’t understand that.

Last night she accused me of manipulating her, that the panic attacks are controlling her. I am filled with guilt that I can’t control what’s happening. I finally filled a script for antidepressants, I am afraid of the panic attacks and hope these will ease them, the side effects scared me so I held off filling the script, now I feel I have no choice but to medicate.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Hepa4300,

Thank you for sharing what you are going through here. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time and it is great that you are reaching out for support.

Panic attacks are an awful experience and can be truly frightening, too. Panic attacks can be hard to understand for people who have not had them, but they are something that no one would choose to experience. 

We hope that you have some good supports around you that understand how distressing panic attacks can be and who are helping you through this difficult time. If you're ever in distress and need someone to talk to without judgment, please do not hesitate to reach out to the Beyond Blue counsellors on 1300 22 4636.

Thank you once again for sharing here. We hope that you can gain some support here from some more of our lovely community members.

Kind regards
Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Hepa4300,

Panic attacks are horrible to go through, I also get them and can relate to you saying..”the worse feeling in the world”…I’m sorry you’re having to go through these….We have a thread titled “Grounding yourself, what it it and how do we”…..you can search for it in the search bar…It might help you to ground yourself while struggling through a panic attack…..

Please, Hepa, try not to be filled with guilt that you can’t control what’s happening to you…it’s not your fault….it happens to a lot of people on here….Have you spoken to your Dr about the panic attacks and how they make you feel and really importantly  about your thoughts?…starting your meds, should be done under a Drs supervision and be monitored by them…maybe before you start them, have a talk to your health professionals…..It’s scary I know…I was afraid to start mine (around 4 years ago)…I’m off my anti depression meds now….but still need my anxiety ones…Side effects are different for everyone…I had no side effects that I can remember, but as I said, it’s different for everyone…..I know without my anxiety meds, I wouldn’t be able to function on day to day living….Remember Hepa, taking meds is your choice, no one can make you take them…..

Here when I can be, if you want to talk some more…

My care with kind thoughts Dear Hepa..

Grandy..