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Overwhelming - financial, disaster house, job, relationship and family
I am 24 and although my problems aren't massive, there are so many that I can't wrap my head around it all and it's driving me insane. I feel like I've created most of these issues as well.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? ...
1. My partner and I moved into our brand new house over Christmas 2020. the entire year it took and the last few months have been so stressful and exhausting. So many things went wrong and I spent hours every single day on the phone and in stores to keep things in check... We are now dealing with the possibility of our house having to be knocked down and rebuilt but it is all at a stand still currently and I'm struggling to find anyone who can help and support me through this... both professionally and emotionally. I feel like I pushed my partner to buy and build, and I chose the builder, so I feel like this is all my fault
my relationship is so strained and my partners parents who haven't worked for a long time having been living with us only 10 weeks after we finally moved into our house... so they have been with us for a while... his grandmother is a controlling narcissist and has just 'told' us she wants his grandfather's ashes buried in our garden because she is also living from place to place... while all of this is going on. We have our spare room and personal robe full of stuff she dumped on us because she didn't want to carry it around.
I have had to tell my father that he can not come to our wedding next year(which i feel i pushed my partner to agree to) as my mother and my family will disown me. We had a difficult childhood and I don't blame them. I'm not sure why I have gotten back in contact with him but that's a different story again.. I feel like I started wedding planning because everything else was crashing down around us and I wanted something exciting to happen. My mother isn't very supportive of the wedding and I think that's why.
my work has moved me from a place I really enjoyed, to one I really hate, because I took a week off to deal with lawyers regarding our house and a bad flu..
I have gained 15kg over the last 12 months from stress eating. I am so unhappy with myself and my body because of this
I try to eat healthy, I try breathing exercises, I try to self care with hobbies and spending time with my animals but nothing is working. Every time I take anti depression or anxiety pills I have bad adverse effects. I've hit a wall and I don't know how to go around it
Welcome to the forums, we understand it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you've shown your strength in reaching out here tonight. We can hear how exhausted and overwhelmed that you must be feeling with everything you have on your plate right now, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community are here to offer their kind support and advice.
We think it might also really help to talk these feelings through with the kind counsellors at our Support Service, who are here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friends at Lifeline are also available to you anytime, day or night on 13 11 14 whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. You never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside.
We hope our caring community can be of some comfort and support to you, and please feel welcome to keep updating us how you're feeling whenever you feel ready to.
HI Mech -
Welcome here and thanks for introducing yourself and being so open with your struggles. Your struggles and suffering is very valid and understandable - it does all seem pretty massive and overwhelming to me.
You have done great to put it on paper here - and you are super aware of your life and where you are at now and why. Being aware is step one... and a huge one at that. Secondly, it looks like you are doing all the recommended things to help.. and are self aware of this too.
I feel for you re hitting a wall. We are here for you Mech. My suggestions would be:
Chat with your GP - see if you can be linked in with a psychologist or a counsellor. You can have a safe space to offload and get some 1:1 support. These can be free if you get a mental health care plan.
Do you have friends/network? If not, hanging about on here helps - the ppl are friendly and supportive and can have some good ideas. There are social sections too, if you just need a break from it all.
Pets are great - keep that up for sure. I am in the process of trying to get a much needed dog for my health too.
Also, perhaps most importantly I think is to be kind with yourself. It is so hard, I know. But that is the constant advice I get given when I reach out. We are often too hard on ourselves - when we just have to accept - life is tough right now.. and see how great you are doing (and it sounds like u really are trying). Eg I am struggling with agoraphobia and am peeved at myself for not being able to do what I was a few months ago. The counsellors are reminding me to be kind and take baby steps - so instead of thinking I didn't get out to shops again, to think okay but I did get out the door and breathe fresh air for 5 mins and back inside again. I hope this makes sense.
I have faith in you that with a bit of time things will start picking up. Take care 🙂
Kudos for diving straight in to establish your lives together - house, marriage, at 24 you have a definite streak of determination. Fortune favours the brave!
Well done for inviting (?) partner's parents to stay in your new house - you are also compassionate.
Building a new house is the most stressful time as you place all your hopes and expectations on the builder to deliver what you perceive (if not what is specifically planned) and this relationship is often so fragile, it doesn't take much to create conflict - although a knock down does sound pretty drastic (I saw that once when a house was built in the wrong spot!) and I hope negotiation will produce an acceptable outcome - flexibility on both sides is the key.
Sad about your dad - however people feel about him, you are still his daughter and it is your wedding. It would be nice to put ill feelings behind to celebrate the joyous occasion without past injustices sullying the day (BTW, this is quite common so do find a way to keep everyone happy).
Perhaps the lost enjoyment in your work may be a result of the stress you are under. It can be hard to get excited with work with so much else to process.
I think you are seeing things at their worst and that is understandable. Look beyond this wrangling to more positive days to come. You will gain much strength and wisdom in seeing this through, I am sure.