Overwhelmed

[Guest_342]

My partner moved from interstate into my house. We chatted every day but only got to travel interstate occasionally for a weekend between all the COVID restrictions. We split up twice during that time due to the stress I was under in Melbourne. The second time he didn't take kindly to it but got back in contact late last year and I (stupidly?) asked if he would like to try again. While there is ample room where we live, I felt like someone was in my space. And I find the joint decisions hard. I explained to him a month ago that I was struggling. Nothing really came of it and I have since become more overwhelmed by the change. I especially find bedtime hard and when I come home, I feel trapped and miserable. We have two showers and there is not enough space for both of our towels to hang in my usual ensuite so I have used the other shower for the past month (I volunteered). I am irritable and less tolerant. I don't want any intimacy either for now, as my feelings are slightly resentful and it makes me less attracted. I told him on the weekend that I was feeling overwhelmed and that perhaps we moved too fast and too soon (and rushed because he got a work transfer that was to begin with about a month's notice). I said I wondered whether changing living arrangements for a little while to allow us to grow our connection without the stress of living together might help and that I don't know if the current situation was sustainable. He questioned how living apart could work. Two days later he texted me from work and said all he could come up with is if he sleeps in the other bedroom for a while and use the other shower so I can get my living quarters back. I said I'd like to chat that evening about it. That evening he didn't bring it up, despite my trying to bring it up on our walk by saying, yes, I think we could both do with a good sleep. He proceeded to get into our shared bed that night - though, I reminded him that he said we both need a good sleep so he moved to the other bed. But now it's like he's not willing to entertain the option of living separately (pointing out that he did mention that option before he moved - though, I don't remember that) and seems he wants to persist with the current situation. He's acting normally and all I can see if an elephant in the room. I can't see how that would work and his persisting with it makes me feel like he's discounting the impact it has on me.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Guest 342
 
Thank you for posting this evening and for sharing what you are going through.  As you know this forum is a safe space to reach out and to receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We can hear that you having to manage a difficult situation at the moment and we can hear your frustration; you deserve respect and understanding of your needs within a relationship so it’s understandable that you are feeling the way that you are right now.
 
While you wait to hear from one of our supportive community members, remember you can also call our counselling team anytime on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  We thought we would include the following resources which you may find helpful:
 
Beyond Blue Relationships
 
Relationships Australia

As you know, if you ever you feel like you need to talk this through, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via WebChat. 
 
Thank you again for posting, we truly value your contribution and glad you feel you can reach out anytime; please take care of you.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M
 

[geoff]

Hello Guest_342, the thought of living together, especially if you aren't, may sound to be a positive move, however, it's a completely different situation because everything you do has to be shared with one another and perhaps that's not what you have prepared yourself for.

Cooking and eating what your partner has cooked may not suit you, just like sleeping together, may not be what you are ready for and if it's forced upon you, then entrudes on your freedom.

When any of this does happen, then you aren't ready to physically share your life with anyone, especially when he decides to break the rules, intrusion creates proiblems that you don't want.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Guest_342]

Many thanks, Sophie and Geoff.