Overwhelmed, confused and depressed.

[Advicepoor]

My partner has his phone on silent when I’m around. 
He is adamant that we don’t need access to one another’s phone because we should just trust one another.

He seems so secretive but denies he is and says it’s just my insecurities. 
He regularly says my insecurities might push him away. 

He changes arrangements with his ex around child visits (it’s 50/50 and if she wants to change things, he just agrees and doesn’t speak with me about it). Do I deserve a say. It affects me after all. What if I have plans for him and I because I’ve planned around the arrangement they have. 
Its like he has a whole other life with his ex regarding the children. It’s like he is living 2 lives. He doesn’t mind me and my children helping to look after his children though. His daughter is a terribly badly behaved child and he always blames my daughter for the chaos that his daughters spoilt tantrums create. 
I feel like I’m just a shadow, I have no say and I’m irrelevant. 
He constantly uses ambiguous comments and questions then twists it to suggest I jumped to conclusions. 
He tells me he puts so much effort into our relationship but I don’t. He constantly makes comments about having sex with other women but tells me I just need to trust that he is committed to me. 
My self worth and confidence is destroyed and I’m broken. I’ve never been depressed before but I actually hate my life and enjoy nothing. 

We have been together about 14 months. 

Any constructive input would be much appreciated. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Advicepoor,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing this here. We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through. 

In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. If you're concerned about how you're being treated, it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how you’ve been treated by your partner. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat.  You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.

It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

We’re sure our warm and kind community will spot your post soon, some of whom may be able to relate to what you’re going through. Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Fern42]

Hi Advise poor,

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this with your partner. It sounds like your thoughts and feelings are not being taken into account and that it has gotten to the point now of you losing your self worth. In all relationships you deserve a say. No one should should feel like a shadow or irrelevant in a relationship. Do you think you in your situation you might be able to have a tough conversation about the way he is behaving towards you and how you are feeling. It could definitely be worth reaching out for some external supports during this time. The beyond blue counsellors are available 24/7.