Hello there Diddle
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense!
Your post makes perfect sense and I'm sure that hundreds of women and men reading it will understand and be sympathetic to your plight
Okay, first things first. He asked if he could get a side chick. I'm assuming you said no but please correct me if I'm wrong. Bringing another person into the marriage would normally mean the end of most marriages. My advice is don't consider it even for one second.
Does your husband lend you much support with the children? You say your libido dropped after the birth of the second child. Prior to the arrival of the second child was the mismatched libido between your husband and you a problem?
I'm sure you understand that libidos wax and wane throughout life and big events like the birth of a child can and often do affect a woman's libido. It is your right not to have sex if you do not want to and your husband should respect your decision. He needs to understand that and if he can't or won't, then he is failing as a husband. Explain to him that you are not rejecting him at an emotional level but you need time for your body and mind to settle down. He needs to be patient and focus on being a good father and a supportive husband. His family's needs have to take priority over his own, it comes with the territory.
I doubt whether your words alone will convince him so you may need couples counselling to help in guiding your husband through this phase. Please post here again if you would like to talk again.
kind thoughts better now
