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Overwhelmed and alone

Community Member

Im not sure what i can do to fix myself, my husband and I with our 2 year old daughter are currently living at my parents place and have been for the last 2 and a bit years. During this time we have had numerous big arguements and in almost all of them my mother has intervened telling me to calm down, and shut up we can hear you at the main house.
This leaves me feeling extremely upset.
My husband has asked if im okay on numerous occasions and asked for me to tell him when im not feeling okay.
In our latest fight, my mother intervened again, when she left and i told my husband i was stressed as he asked me to do he completely ignored me and continued to argue with. Even when i completely broke down.

Please help me fix myself, i don't know what im doing wrong. I feel alone.
3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi, overwhelmed, and your not alone,

your in a confusing mind and physical place. Just try to spend some time alone with your daughter.Parents are just parents'painfull and to much a lot of the time, I know that one. Make mum a cuppa and talk to her, ask for advise and tell her exactly what you have just said, she will help you, like you would help your daughter. Husbands are difficult at the best of times, reasure him maybe, everyone is different, as is you. look put on posts, I do yoga a bit, try some it,s not that corny.

Take care someone will always help.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Reading,

welcome to beyond blue. You may not think this, but for you to recognise there is an issue and come here to write about it is a really big step. It is also sad that when you were asked about what he could do, it sounds like you were ignored.

what sort of things are you fighting over?

it may seem obvious and difficult at the same time, yet if you able to walk away before it turns into a full blown argument, or even taking that old maxim of count to 10 may help. Would this be possible?

Are you able to talk with your partner about the situation when you are both calm and perhaps work out a way forward. Perhaps if you can work out the things that are stressing each of you, and in terms of "I" statement may help also.

You may also get other ideas with a google search with ...

beyond blue arguments with partner

For example, here is one thread/story that may be similar...


Anyway, if you want to chat some more I am listening,


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Reading

I'm wondering if you can focus more on what you're doing right. I think it's right to want to vent concerns or a sense of dissatisfaction, so as to reach resolution. I think it's right to be even more upset when someone is ignoring or dismissing our upset. 'Calm down' is definitely no management plan to really help us, it's a direction. I would not be surprised if you regularly asked yourself 'Why won't anyone listen to me?!' A valid question.

If I was to ask you what are 2 significant things you'd like to be able to manage regarding yourself, would I be right in guessing your answer may involve effective communication and the ability to remain calm? This is something I'm working on in my own marriage.

Can you see the reason behind the things you feel the need to discuss with your husband? I've come to realise that healthy self-esteem leads us to understand our own reasoning and present it confidently. Do you believe that another person's inability to listen to our reasons for upset makes them unreasonable to a degree and us more upset and frustrated? I always ask myself 2 questions when I wish to speak with my husband about significant issues. 1) Is this an issue most would regard as a reasonable point worth discussing and 2) is there the ability to rise to the challenge of addressing that point so as to move beyond it? I remind myself that if my husband chooses to ignore the point and label me unreasonable and if he chooses to rise to stress easily (instead of accepting the challenge), it doesn't suddenly make me unreasonable; his reaction may simply indicate he prefers to remain ignorant and stressed in that moment, rather than be present in it and help me or us through it.

I often try my hardest to see his reasoning. If I can't relate, I'll try remaining calm as I ask him to elaborate. I have to be willing to listen, especially if this is what I expect from him.

Now, I know it sounds like I'm bagging my husband out a bit here. He really is a good guy. I can simply relate to what you're saying. He'll often ask me how I am, yet he's typically after a simple answer to a simple question. Sometimes the search for answers in the way of our mental well being and evolution isn't always so simple. I find being occasionally told to get over something or just get on with it really triggers me to the point of frustration. Again, I'm not after an unrealistic directive, what I'm looking for is support in finding a way to manage.

Take care