Hi Reading
I'm wondering if you can focus more on what you're doing right. I think it's right to want to vent concerns or a sense of dissatisfaction, so as to reach resolution. I think it's right to be even more upset when someone is ignoring or dismissing our upset. 'Calm down' is definitely no management plan to really help us, it's a direction. I would not be surprised if you regularly asked yourself 'Why won't anyone listen to me?!' A valid question.
If I was to ask you what are 2 significant things you'd like to be able to manage regarding yourself, would I be right in guessing your answer may involve effective communication and the ability to remain calm? This is something I'm working on in my own marriage.
Can you see the reason behind the things you feel the need to discuss with your husband? I've come to realise that healthy self-esteem leads us to understand our own reasoning and present it confidently. Do you believe that another person's inability to listen to our reasons for upset makes them unreasonable to a degree and us more upset and frustrated? I always ask myself 2 questions when I wish to speak with my husband about significant issues. 1) Is this an issue most would regard as a reasonable point worth discussing and 2) is there the ability to rise to the challenge of addressing that point so as to move beyond it? I remind myself that if my husband chooses to ignore the point and label me unreasonable and if he chooses to rise to stress easily (instead of accepting the challenge), it doesn't suddenly make me unreasonable; his reaction may simply indicate he prefers to remain ignorant and stressed in that moment, rather than be present in it and help me or us through it.
I often try my hardest to see his reasoning. If I can't relate, I'll try remaining calm as I ask him to elaborate. I have to be willing to listen, especially if this is what I expect from him.
Now, I know it sounds like I'm bagging my husband out a bit here. He really is a good guy. I can simply relate to what you're saying. He'll often ask me how I am, yet he's typically after a simple answer to a simple question. Sometimes the search for answers in the way of our mental well being and evolution isn't always so simple. I find being occasionally told to get over something or just get on with it really triggers me to the point of frustration. Again, I'm not after an unrealistic directive, what I'm looking for is support in finding a way to manage.
Take care
