Overweight Partner

Glass567 · ‎28-04-2019

As the title suggests my partner is very overweight and dealing with serious depression. I’m struggling to stay with him because most days he won’t leave the house or even move from his chair in the lounge room. I want to be able to experience life and not just be at home all the time and the only person I want that with is him. We’ve been together for over 10 years and his weight is just getting worse and I don’t know what to do. His family and I have tried to encourage him to go to the gym but he can’t stand sweating from exercise and because he won’t exercise he has trouble being on his feet for more than a few minutes. I feel so guilty talking about it but I have no one I can talk to about it without feeling worse. I’m very new to this so thank you for listening if you got this far 👍

Hang10 · ‎28-04-2019

Hi Glass567,

Welcome,

You husband to me sounds like he got low self esteem, and with low self esteem comes low motivation. This would be sad to see how much you love him for him to waste away his life. Gym sounds too threatening. I would start small, like walk around the block. Even if it just a short walk. Got to get him slowly into a healthy routine.

Beening at home all the time to me sounds like he don’t want to face the world it could be weight appearance or it could be depression or mental health issue.

Have he tried a doctor or dieticians to help him with a project to better his life.

He be not happy with his life, but be scared or don’t know where to start or maintain a healthy start. The answer be their keep gently encouraging him. If the worst maybe you might have to do active lifestyle activities without him till he see what he missing out on.

All the best.

Hang10.

GoodWitch · ‎29-04-2019

Hi Glass

This is very tough as on the one hand everyone deserves to be loved for who they are, no matter their weight or appearance etc. However if your husband's weight is at the point where you feel it's effecting his health and overall life enjoyment, you can't just ignore it if you care about him, as I'm sure you do. If he was happy as he is that would be one thing, but clearly hes not as he's depressed.

Is he depressed about weight gain or did the depression come first? If the latter that is what needs to be addressed, in counselling if he will go. Or he could even talk to a counselling service on the phone, like the one listed here on this website. Was there an incident that started all this, like a job loss or other sad event? Maybe he could talk about that with someone?

If it's been a life-long struggle with weight issues, it could have a medical cause and he might need to start with a GP visit.

Exercise is great of course but as Hang10 suggested perhaps the gym is too intimidating. Especially so for an overweight person when everyone else there seems to be buff and fit. The main problem I'd have to assume is his diet though. Is there something he has to excess that he can fairly easily cut out? for eg replace full sugar soft drinks with diet, or full fat cheese with low fat. I know that sounds simplistic, but it might be a way to start him on a healthier path.

Weight is such a tricky area as people are rightfully sensitive about it. I come from a family of large people and struggle with weight myself, so I know how hard it can be to hear from a loved one, 'you've put on weight', even if you already know it. You will have to tread carefully as I'm sure you realise. He needs to know your concern comes from love, not from any feelings of shame about him.

I don't know if this has helped but I wanted you to know I understand how difficult this must be, for you and your husband. Counselling is always a good place to start and I recommend it in most cases. I hope your husband will agree to investigate what is happening with him.

Good luck

GW