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overthinking/insecurities in relationship

Community Member
I'm worried my insecurities is going to get in between my relationship. sometimes I just feel like I'm extra baggage. I feel like I cant get anything right either, like ill never be good enough, and this isnt because of anything he has done or said to make me believe this, this is just purely my own personal issues. but what scares me the most is that because I have these insecurities and fears and I don't know how to conquer them, I'm worried it will get in the way of my relationship. I bring up stupid issues, insignificant problems about other girls, which I know is ridiculous because he is faithful and I trust him but its my own thoughts. i get jealous and sometimes to rest my thoughts i feel i need validation from him. i dont like this feeling and well I just don't know what to do or how to stop this overthinking and worry before it could destroy one of the most amazing things in my life. does anyone have any tips or advice?
8 Replies 8

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Mc hi welcome to BB

Awful feeling insecure isn't it.

Suggest to see your GP to refer you to a psychologist or counsellor who can help you as well as you have here to talk as much as you like

We need to like ourselves for confidence Mc. I think most of us have goods and he likes you for reasons.

Depression pulls us down in those ways I don't know if you have it but GP would have an idea

Wondering if you've spoken to the nice sounding bloke about how you feel, I know you said you bring up silly things but maybe tell him you feel bad about yourself & that's why, he may be able to help you too or understand more.

Hope you return to talk more if you want

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Mc, this is a very good topic to discuss, and I was also very insecure when dating the love of my life because I would always get suspicious for no reason at all, and told 'not to be stupid', I couldn't count how many times I was told that even when we were married for 25 years, although the last few years was when I was suffering depression.
The problem with being insecure is that it makes you become too clingy and this can in itself create problems but imagine what you are thinking and what is actually happening, I'm sure your imagination is much more dominant and when you look back you realise that it was silly to even think that way, because it didn't happen.
Insecure people can still feel unloved no matter how much they are told they are loved because your imagination creates unnecessary doubts, this will stop you from enjoying the here and now.
If you are constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick way to anxiety.
If they say one thing then don't assume they mean something else and if they say nothing at all then don't assume that their silence means something else.
You need to challenge your fears and imaginations which I think you are doing, so write them down and keep them next to you if you need so that you can reinforce your security.
Make the most you can out of this r/ship it may well lead on to a permanent connection. Geoff.

Community Member

Hi mcl0014,

What is it about your partner's interaction with other girls that makes you feel vulnerable? Is it the amount of time he spends with them, are you excluded or included, what type of female friends does he keep close?

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


I know in my case my codepebdancy stems from abandonment issues from early child hood. That's why I cling to my partner and get insecure. Luckly we have talked about this stuff and he understands that sometimes the only thing that helps is a big hug and him saying he's here for me.

Talk to your partner. There is a good chance he can help you identify why you are how you are with him.

thankyou so much for the reply! I think I might go see my GP, thankyou for the advice ill definitely take it on board

Community Member
and that's what I'm worried about I don't want to become clingy. thankyou so much for the reply, I love the idea of writing it down, it would probably help to get it out and then hopefully look at things from a rational pov, and that's what I want, a long lasting connection. thankyou again!

I think its just more the issue that I have had a lot of bad encounters with guys, both personally and in relation with other people. and it has never ended well. and I guess I'm just scared of something happening, so I'm very cautious and aware but because of this it is causing me to overthink and feel insecure.

Community Member
thankyou! yes I agree, I feel that my issues are stemming from my childhood, he knows my past I think I should talk to him again, thankyou again for replying!