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Over the mental health issues burden on life....lost, tired but still in love. Feel helpless

Community Member

In my 40s&have been married to my wife for >18yrs.We have 3 beautiful children 16,13&8.But..my wife has obvious mental health issues&over the years it has affected our lives&driven me into depression.I'm so tired.I was a positive&outgoing person. Have been to a number of counsellors.Feel like I'm not getting anywhere.Lost energy to pursue.Issue is my wife has an undiagnosed anxiety or personality issue that bares it's weight down on the family.You can never please her,she is never able to sit down&relax&does not allow us to spend quality time with others.We live an isolated life.In fact for all the experiences we have had if it wasn't for my motivation it would never have happened.Her symptoms include never being able to say sorry,forgive,always blaming others.She is always very negative not wanting to go out&enjoy life.I've asked to her seek help.But she doesn't believe in this&will not accept she has an issue.In her mind it's others issue. She goes off at smallest things&is always rude in her responses&angry.She is very paranoid all the time&displays obvious anxieties.In her anger she swears a lot at me&the kids in her anger which I find unacceptable&tell her that.I am over simplifying over 20yrs of issues&hurt as I'm mentally tired¬ able to be as articulate.So I know I haven't explained my self well.I am a generally peaceful person&over this time i have become a person i do not like.I end up yelling&getting angry.In my original depressive state some years back I did something at my very lowest point out of desperation&loneliness that I regretted&which i confessed.This has always added to the mistrust&she brings it up often.I have no real close friends as I have sacrificed my social life for my family.We do not have people over because it stresses her too much&we do not share any regular close relationships with friends.I know it has affected my work as I have myself become antisocial, especially over the past 3yrs.Others treat me as an outsider in their social groups at work.I feel I can't talk with my family as I feel ashamed at the situation.I love my children so much&I'm upset that they have to experience this.I feel trapped! What can I do?I know I'm not perfect&admit this but always trying to improve.My wife does not demonstrate any motivation to resolve problems or our relationship.How can I get help for her&get her to accept&explore her issues?

And through all this I love her!

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Yoda

Beyond Blue, I welcome you to.

That you have come here, it is good. And learn from others, I feel you will.

(Sorry, my little attempts at how Yoda would speak).

This is a very tricky situation, where it’s been an ongoing issue for such a long time and it really feels like you’re at the end of your tether and potentially have been that way for a while now.

It’s so very difficult when your partner has clear issues, but won’t recognise them as such. As you can see, the effects that it has on others around can be very damaging.

Also having no close friends makes it hard, in that you’ve got no-one who you can confide in and bounce things off on, which is great that you’ve come here, as there’ll be others who’ll come forward, with hopefully helpful suggestions.

You mentioned about the close friends, etc, but was that just for you, and not your wife?

Does your wife have any close friends or rellies (sister or brother), who perhaps you could get in contact with and give them a bit of a rundown (nothing huge or giving away too much), but something where, they may already know anyway; and whereby, they may be able to suggest options for help to your wife? As it seems she’s not listening to you at all, which is a huge shame.

As I’ve said, there will no doubt be others who will also respond, and hopefully will provide better responses for you, than what I have.

Keep writing here though, as it’s a great place and there are many people here with masses of experience.