over 50, isolated, no friends, no family, no job, husband has cancer

[Bellis]

Hi everyone,

I had a very rough time the past few years. I lost my mum 2 years ago, last year my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no kids as God never gave us.

Before used to be just as anybody else, lived and worked in Sydney, but about 10 years ago decided to move up North. All went well , me and my husband both worked, but not long after we moved he had and injury which left him with a nerve damage and had to go on the DSP . I had to leave my job too and became his carer. Another year passed and I became very ill, breathing problem due to allergies specific to that location, went through surgeries, medications, nothing helped, so had no choice but to move.

As none of us worked anymore, we could only afford to buy something in a small retirees village, about 100 km from the city. All was good for about a year, when my husband got diagnosed with that dreadful disease.

My husband is currently receiving a treatment which is horribly expensive, our disgraceful government wouldn't put 1 cent to help, in a few month we might loose our house, savings, and pension.

I'm lonely, depressed, have anxiety, probably would fit all the category in this forum. I really don't know what to do, and this isolation is killing me.

I'm hoping someone could give me some advice.

[kanga_brumby]

Bellis Welcome to beyond blue forms. I am sorry you are having a rough time with all that stuff. If you are a member of a club or church. You could try a thing called crowd sourcing. Which can be found on the web. Then advertise it at your club / church, people then anonymously donate cash to help pay for your husbands medical bills. Kanga

[Bellis]

Thanks, but unfortunately I am not a religious person and I don't go to church. I was hoping there might be some peer to peer support around here, so people don't feel so isolated.

The medical bills are beyond the amount average people could donate.

[Zeal]

Hi Bellis,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mother only a few years ago, and that your husband has been diagnosed with cancer. That's rough, and you've certainly endured a lot. It's a tricky situation, with both you and your husband being unable to work. He is very lucky to have you as his carer though. This is a huge responsibility, and I take my hat off to carers like you. I'm 24 and I sometimes find it hard enough looking after myself and my cat!

The isolation you've described sounds debilitating, and it is particularly rough when coupled with anxiety and depressive symptoms. In terms of getting outside help, you probably have already tried the options I can think of: local welfare agencies, borrowing money from a close relative (this may be impractical, I realise), selling unneeded items or valuables...

I wish I could be more helpful. In terms of emotional support, seeing a counsellor can help. Seeing as this could be tricky money-wise, another option in the meantime is to call support lines for advice and support. Beyondblue is reachable 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. Carers Australia have a support line on 1800 242 636. If you haven't already, it's worth checking out their website.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Dr_Kim]

 Hi bellis 
You ask a really hard and deep question that so many struggle with .. “how do I keep going when the odds keep stacking up against me ?” 
 
Its true that many of us find the strength to keep going forward when we have a team around us or when we feel like we still have choice and are not “stuck “.
 
Sometimes there are people and connections if you open your heart and your eyes. I wonder if your husband’s oncologist has a number for any support groups in the area . Are there any sort of community groups at all ? Are there opportunities for volunteering ?( many people with depression find that helping others actually helps themselves!). Are there low cost creative classes in art ? dance ? mindfulness?

Even if you have to travel a bit for the connections, it may still be worth it for the relief it gives you. 
 
I know you have your own health problems , but every life needs a place for fun and creativity. So, I encourage you to search , even a little further afield for yours. 

[MarkJT]

Bellis, welcome to the forums, you have done well to come here and post. It is a very supportive environment so you can lean on us during these times.

You have so much on your plate and often when this happens, we can lose sight of self care. What would be good is if you could get to your GP and just discuss how you are feeling. If your thoughts are correct and you do have depression and/or anxiety, you need to get started on treatment and the GP can help you with this.

You do not have to worry about the cost of it as if he refers you, you get a bunch of free sessions with a psych so please consider doing this.

In the meantime, I would well recommend starting practicing mindfulness. It is a form of meditation and is about living in the present and not worrying about the future nor the past. It is really good to ground yourself and has helped me no end in the past.

There is a really good app called, "Smiling Mind" which guides you through it and helps you to learn. It only takes 10 or so minutes to do a track on this app so no pressure on time.

See how you go with above but please come back and post, we will help guide you through these tough times.

Mark.

[peppapigs]

I can't imagine many people not being overwhelmed and depressed in your situation. The way you are feeling is a normal reaction to a horrible situation, I'm amazed you're managing as well as you are. I'm not sure I'd be still standing! I'd suggest giving the connecting carers support line a call, hopefully they'll be able to give you some guidance. Esp financially - hopefully there is assistance out there and no one would ever want you or your husband to lose your home. Also just talking to a counselor may help, that's what they're for. Good luck!