Other girls make me feel threatened and insecure when i'm in a relationship

[Bee1998]

I have felt this way in every relationship I have had. The past two make sense, as I was cheated on by both partners, but I have been struggling with the same feelings in my current relationship. This has been the only healthy relationship I have had, and it frustrates me, because I'm with someone who I actually can trust for once in my life. It's not that I think my partner is cheating on me, it's smaller things that bother me, such as him wanting to have female friends, and being in an environment where girls are dressed provocatively and acting in a provocative manner. I don't know why these things bother me so much. I guess I am just scared of being abandoned, or that my partner will be sexually aroused by other females other than myself. I feel like I care about these things on a religious level (i'm not religious), but it seems to be the one and only thing that ever affects me while I'm in a relationship. I can't stand the thought of my partner dancing around girls in a club who are wearing next to nothing... The biggest concern for me is this one female friend he has, who he has been friends with since high school. She is the type of girl who would get satisfaction from stealing people's boyfriends. I know my partner wouldn't go there with her, but she does things that I feel are intentional, to get under my skin. For example, she was at my friend's memorial earlier this year. My partner was also there, as he went with me to support me. We ended up seeing his friend there, and this girl approached us to say hi to my partner, but completely disregarded my existence and didn't say hi to me. She gave my partner a hug and told him how much she missed him right in front of me. She later followed us over to the table we were sitting at and sat right beside my partner, so close that her entire body was up against his. (My partner and this girl were sitting opposite me). This made me really uncomfortable, and I was extremely angry because why wasn't my partner sitting next to me? He was there to support me after all, not for a high school reunion.... The whole time she was calling him pet names in front of me and not even talking to me or looking at me. Just continuously flirting with my boyfriend. My boyfriend went out with the same girl last night. She put up a story on instagram, which was a photo of herself in a skimpy crop top showing her cleavage and her nipples. I felt like she put that up to rub it in my face that she was with my boyfriend.

[geoff]

Hello Bee, thanks for getting back to us, when the new forums begin tomorrow we will be notified if someone replies back to that person, then we won't be so long in getting back to you.

I can't say what you should do, however, we can offer our thoughts and perhaps there are too many question marks against how loyal your partner may be, especially when you don't know what's going on.

Geoff.

[sunshine28]

Hi Bee, I'm really hoping you read this, and find the time to reply because I created a Beyond Blue account just to talk to you! I'm going through the exact same thing, due to being cheated on by my ex-partner. I'm married now, to the man of my dreams. We've been married for almost a year. I'm bothered by the same things you are - him being around girls who are dressed provocatively, him being sexually aroused by other girls etc. He has told me that he gets sexual thoughts/feelings/dreams about other girls which makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. He has also told me that the ideal body type according to the world's standards is big boobs, a small waist, and a big butt - so I feel like I have to lose weight and build a bigger butt to be as sexy as these other girls he sees around him at the beach, shopping centre, in movies etc. My trust issues have caused major problems in our relationship, and have really hurt my husband. I'm wondering how you are doing now, and if you have managed to overcome this feeling of being threatened and insecure around other girls. If you have, how did you do it? I would love to hear from you!