In terms of relationships I suppose I've had around......let me see, say 6 that are over 2 years in length. Three over 5 years including my first wife (11 years), a defacto (10 years) and my wife (4 years but we've known each other 28 years)
Up until my now wife, all partners were introverted by nature. I'm not extroverted but am "loud" according to some and outspoken. I suppose that makes me extroverted. Anyway each of those before my wife were out of synch with me on so many levels. eg Punctuality - they all left me waiting in the car before an outing, sleep- they all slept at different times of the day/night than I and thinking...this isnt easy to describe but its like they were on another planet. We could never really get our thinking to work together. All these past ladies I felt guilt for leaving them...I took on all the blame to myself. For what ever reason.
Enter my wife. We did have the benefits of knowing each other for nearly 3 decades. I once match made her to my then brother in law and was best man. So I knew her personality and it was very much in synch with mine. We are at the same pace, when leaving from the house there is only one minute difference...no need to wait long, we very often think of the same thing "lets go chinese tonight" She stares at me...yep- she was about to ask me the same thing. Yet we go there only every 6 weeks or so.
I suppose I realise that I used to choose the wrong girl. We should always not blame others for a marriage failure. For I was 50% of that relationship. Those ladies didnt twist my arm up my back to be with them- it was lust.So poor judgement on my behalf.But I only know this now because of my wife and how well we connect. Otherwise I would have gone to the end of my days believing I was a failure.
Which leads me to my point. Every potential partner is different. We should never give up on love. We should never judge ourselves as being a failure as a partner especially if branded that by the partner we are separating from.
And finally and most importantly. Children. We should never demonise the other parent to our children. This is so true even if you are demonised by the other parent. It isnt a war if you dont play the game of war. A one sided contest will one day come back to haunt the aggressor and your children will likely hold that parent to account. There is honour in doing the right thing even if that isnt apparent in the early days.
Choosing a partner look for a synchronised nature with your own.
Tony WK
