Ohh so lonely

[cherries04]

Title says it all! I am a now single mother to a child who is severely autistic. Moved to Australia about 5 years ago to marry my now ex and have that happy little family white picket fence and all. I suppose I am writing this to vent mainly. Hopefully find a penpal or two? Maybe someone can give me some ideas or point me in the right direction. My happy little family dream has turned into an absolute nightmare. I knew shortly after moving here that the person I moved for wasn't quite the person he made himself out to be and I knew our marriage was in trouble. After years of moving(about 6 times now) and being a supportive wife even when my ex was fired for not turning up to work which forced us to live in a camper/caravan in the hot summer...giving up my dreams of uni to take care of our son I finally found the proof(cheating) I needed to end my marriage. In the process of obtaining this proof I was also assaulted. Fast forward one year...my son has been diagnosed with severe autism. I am now single and caring for my son full time. No family here, no friends, no job, no money. The friends one is a bit tricky as I am generally very introverted and do not enjoy social situations as I find them draining. That being said I wouldn't mind some form of interaction every once in a while. It's frustrating that I left my entire family, job, car etc and am now stuck here as my ex will not let me return home with our son. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love Australia and it's people but as my relationship failed it's difficult to find reason to want to stay here. I fell pregnant at a young age and as a result do not have much job xp or any qualifications. Add in the fact that I have not worked in 5 years due to taking care of my son and BAM what a fantastic resume hey? I can't blame employers as I would probably toss my resume in the rubbish pile if I was them as well. I am very thankful for assistance I've been given through centerlink however it is no easy way to live and the stigma that comes with being on it isn't fun either. I feel like a robot most days taking care of my son(although I love him to bits). I suppose what I really miss/want is a partner to hug and the end of the day and share the details of my day with. I wish I could say I was content being single and have the whole"I don't need/want a man" mentality but I'd be lying. I've been in and out of counseling, on and off anti depressants and still seem to find it difficult to enjoy much.

[Guest_1055]

Hello cherries

Welcome to you. And I am extending a friendly hug to you, if you could do with one. I like hugs anyway.

I am sorry some of your dreams  for a happy family have not worked out the way you wanted. That can be painful and grieving sometimes. I know from experience. Are you able to keep in touch with your other family members, maybe on Skype or something?

And yeah, sometimes it is good to vent here, just write it all out. Do you feel any better doing that? You can vent here as much as you want.

How old is your son, I am guessing he is still quite little?

I was wondering if you have considered like studying online or by correspondence. There is a lot of different courses you can now do online. And you can still stay at home. And if you are being helped by centerlink, well....you may well be entitled to cheaper fees. Then you might have some formal qualifications in something. As for your resume, you would have transferable skills, I think they call it??  You would have gained a lot of skills caring for your autistic little boy. That takes a special person to be able to do that I think. So I believe you could have quite a good resume there.

I am introverted as well and not that good in social situations. But I keep trying. Maybe there is a special carers group or mother's group you could attend in your area. If it doesn't sound to scary??

Well I do hope you are feeling a little better.

Take care now, and remember you can vent here as much as you want.

With love

Shelley xx

[geoff]

dear Cherries, firstly I'm pleased that you are safe, and to leave a husband who has been cheating on you is definitely you're best option, as it would only become worse.
I'm sure most of us who are single would also love to have someone to cuddle and hug, but for me if it was to happen, it would only be a relationship living apart, because once you live together the relationship changes and problems arise, and for you you have had to cope with too much already.
Is your son old enough to go to day care which could then give you time to do what you enjoy or to generate a liking towards something you have always wanted to do.
I also hope that your husband is giving you some money every week or fortnight, because he's not then centrelink maybe able to direct you in the righrt direction, or perhaps dock some of his pay.
I'm not sure whether you are taking antidepressants (AD) at the moment, and if not, then is a wide range of AD which your doctor could try you on.
You know you will meet someone, it may not happen today or tomorrow, but when you do then your depression will lift, but can I suggest that for awhile you don't live together, because we all get fooled when we meet someone and that is to live together, but it's much easier to break up with someone if you don't live together, rather than when you do.Geoff. x

[Myshelle]

Hi Cherries,

Hugs to you. You certainly have been having a rough time of it all and it saddens me to read you have no family close and wonder do you Facebook them and email ?  although of course this is nothing the same as being with them for support and to give you a little break occasionally for some quality time for yourself.

I also wonder have you considered a online forum for parents with children who have Autism. I looked one up and found "RaisingChildrendotnetdotau"

Yes you can study at home as Shelley said and although I do not think it is free it can be paid off Centrelink could advise you on this. Maybe even hunt around and see if there are any free courses online offered.

Sadly  partnering a male with a cheating problem is just the pits and I have been there,  not to an extent of being knocked around though. So I chose to remain single but I would be a lot older than you and when the time is right you will meet some one new, just be careful though.

Living on a pension too is very restrictive the cost of living far outweigh the money that is given.

Do you have any interests,  though having said that I guess a lot of your time would spent caring for your son. It does make it harder when you are introverted as I well know.

You said you have been on and off meds and counseling would it be worth considering giving thought to renewing this. Are you still seeing your DR.

I hope maybe you might feel a bit better today

Michelle

[cherries04]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for your kind words. I seem to have good days and bad...as I'm sure most do. It can be so draining though to be on such an emotional roller coaster ride. One day you feel on top of everything and have a plan set in stone and the next, questioning everything all over again. The uncertainty of my sons future causes me a great deal of anxiety. He is nearly 5 and non verbal showing no real signs of improvement despite going to an ed support center 4 days per week and early intervention therapy for the 5th day. It may be too soon to tell and I am probably being a bit impatient as he has only just started going at the beginning of Feb. Him going to these places has at least given me somewhat of a much needed break. The travel time can be a bit stressful. I have decided though that I am not going to do this on my own so either his father needs to let us return home or he needs to be capable of looking after him 50/50 so I can get a bit of freedom/time back as well.His father does pay child support...although it's less that what they told him he should be paying as he feels it is too much. I have thought about going to centerlink and having them take it from him but he won't have a job in a few weeks time due to the company he works for being shut down. Not sure what will happen there.

I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas of places likely to hire someone like me. Or what sort of work has short part time/casual shifts. Part time would be preferred but I realize I don't exactly have room to pick and choose. I'm also wondering if anyone has studied and how they went about it. Getting a HECS help loan seems to be the only way I would be able to. I'm thinking a 4 year bachelors degree may be biting off more than I can chew so perhaps some sort of diploma/certificate would be better? I honestly don't care what I do i just want to get out of this rut and be off centerlink and making my own steady income.

I've recently started going back to counseling again as I do find it helpful. The thing is as soon as I stop going things seem pretty dark again. I do have to try and space it out as much as I can as only 10 sessions are covered by medicare.

I used to be quite thin and fit but over the years gained a fair bit of weight. About 2 weeks ago I started going to the gym though. It can be difficult to work up the motivation to go but once I get there it sure does feel good knowing I'm doing something that will result in better self esteem.

[loouuiiee]

Dear Cherries,

you have it so tough and it sounds like things are really difficult for you, however it does sound like you have a fighting spirit & I know that you will never give up. 

This makes you an inspiration to many others on this site, so good on you!!

i also want to say congratulations for identifying that working on your physical fitness can help you build up your self esteem 🙂 another positive step! I encourage you to keep at it. 

i am writing to you first of all to offer my support and to let you know I think you are an inspiring and incredibly strong young woman, second of all to share with you what I do for work as i believe you may be perfect for this kind of job!!

 i am an education support assistant. I work at a special needs school and many of the students have autism!! Your life experience would be worth a lot and greatly appreciated by potential employers. 

I have done a Cert.III in Education Support & a traineeship to secure my position, however you do not need any 'formal' qualifications to be a teacher's aide / education support assistant. And your experience with your son would give you a lot of knowledge that will benefit you in this role. 

Most positions are part time as it is based around school hours and could be a good avenue for employment for you if you are interested 🙂 my advice is, if you feel ready, contact a few schools in your area & just enquire if they are looking for any support. Research the Cert.III Education Support to have a look at if it is something you may be interested in. 

i hope this helps you to feel a bit more positive & gives you some options to think about 🙂