Not sure what to do :/

unicornprincess29 · ‎07-09-2018

Hey guys,

I guess this post is more to just vent than anything. My BF and I have been together for a few years now and we also live together. He’s really supportive of my anxiety and depression. Things are great between us 99% of the time. 1% of the time though... things are a bit iffy. My BF is in a band and even though I’m not in the band, I’m pretty heavily involved in it. The first month he was really glad that I was taking such an interest, and even though he’s still glad now, the band also seems to be an argument creator for us. I’ve noticed that whenever I have an opinion about the band, even if it’s an opinion my BF had a week or so prior to the band, if I say the same opinion, or any opinion, it turns into an argument. It can be something really small and turn into a bigger argument real fast. For example, if say something as basic as “I don’t think this song should be here in the set” or “I think one band member has more onstage presence than the rest”. Like I said, really small things. Initially I thought that maybe he wasn’t happy with me being too involved in his thing, but when things are normal with us and I mention maybe not being as involved anymore, I can tell it really upsets him. So yeah, I’m not sure how to feel about the whole thing. I could say I wouldn’t be as opinionated, but like I said, it can be a really minor comment that leads to something bigger... so am I just not meant to have anything to say? I’ve tried that as well, and then he thought I was being uninterested. So really not sure where to go from here.

geoff · ‎07-09-2018

Hello Unicornprincess, thanks for your post and what could be the problem is jealousy that maybe the problem.

I say this because if you make a suggestion and it's taken on board and it's mentioned to them all, then you may get more attention.

This may then cause problems which could begin any arguments.

Maybe you can get back to us.

Geoff.

unicornprincess29 · ‎19-09-2018

Hey Geoff!

Thank you for the reply and apologies for the late reply... I've been super busy with uni work the past few weeks.

I did think for a while that maybe it was jealousy (for lack of a better word) in some way, especially if my ideas or suggestions were really good ones that would get them to make changes. However, a lot of the time he's more than happy for me to share my views with the whole band... it's moreso when we're alone that my views or opinions become a problem.

I think it just comes down to this being his area of expertise, and just a simple case of music being his thing and him thinking that he knows best (which I guess true... I mean I also think I know best when it comes to my area of expertise).

I'm currently trialling limiting my opinions to really big issues, or if I feel like something is going to turn into a bigger conversation or argument than it should, I generally just change the conversation to something else or walk away and do my own thing for a while.

unicornprincess