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Not sure about how to go about things.With my maybe ex.

Beaser
Community Member

Hi hope everyone is well

I have recently broken up with my partner of approx 18 months.. I know that we had problems and she has so much in her life with a busy home life and elderly father to care for .We have both had our mental health and anxiety issues..We decided on a break about two weeks ago and i hadnt made contact untill i ran into her just randomly while i was at work 3 days ago . Now i find myself texting her and wanting to call her . People say i need to cut contact and make it a clean break but my heart and if im honest my loneliness gets the better of me . Maybe i need to leave it and see if she makes contact and she may respect me more . This with the anxiety of a possible change has me feeling like im falling .. Brett .

7 Replies 7

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Beaser,

We understand how difficult it is to figure out how to proceed after a break-up, whether you did the breaking up, or were the recipient. We would like to suggest considering a few things.

Why did you end the relationship in the first place?

Has there been enough time for the reasons you broke up to truly change?

What are the reasons you are suddenly desiring the person again?

The most common advice we hear is that, when a couple breaks up, there should be one to three months before the former couple sees and interacts with each other again.

We hope these thoughts help with making a decision.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

Beaser
Community Member

Than you Sophie.

As usual a well thought out and sensible response which gives me a different perspective to look at things.

Beaser .

That Other Guy
Community Member
Hi Brett. Relationships can be hard. My wife of 29 years talked about leaving me a year ago. I had a hell year, but I gave her space, and listened to her and we are back together now. That doesn't mean your partner will come back but it DOES mean it's the best way to go about things. The thing that really helped us was relationships counselling, perhaps try to talk to her about how she's feeling and ask her if she'd consider doing that together to know you've given yourselves the best shot?

Thank you Other Man .

You seem like a really decent man and i respect and am grateful for your messages. Posting here helps me .

Brett .

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Brett, when two people break up there are reasons why this happens, but seeing them shortly after could make you push away these problems and be drawn by their physical appearance that makes you want to text or give them a call, but once this happens, then it's possible for all those concerns/problems to slowly reappear and then you're back to square one.

For you to rejoin each other, then all of this has to be addressed, either together or separately, and then a common ground to be established.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Beaser
Community Member

Hi and Best wishes.

I feel on edge today as im going to a concert with my ex tonight. We had this booked pre covid so it was cancelled untill tonight . I know this goes against everything as far as moving on and not seeing each other. She rang for a chat last week and asked if i wanted to go. I said yes as i would like to stay friends but yes it will be with a heavy heart. And a question in my mind about doing the right thing . We have never really argued or had a real bad word to each other. I guess all i can do is follow through with this plan and be good company and show the good person i am.. I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences. Best wishes Brett .

Beaser
Community Member
Hi . Im finding myself in a bad way with all this again. I know that going to the concert with my former partner probably wasnt the best idea. It has set me back and it got my hopes up again only to have my hopes dashed with her telling me otherwise. I am trying to go no contact and made none at all yesterday and that is my intention today. I know that my loneliness is making me gloss over the troubles we had and that i wasnt happy at times. I just wish i hadnt of let certain things worry me when we were together. My hometown causes her problems as she has bad work experiences . She has problems with trust after previous relationships so i guess it makes it hard for her. I found it hard when she got text messages in front of me from previous guys and she got angry with me for this . She also has her elderly father and a farm and house that need constant work. I juswish i hadnt let these things bother me. I wish i wasnt feeling the need to write this but i just feel gutted by it all at the moment. I seen my DR and have physcologist next week im doing my best to cope. I know that my loneliness is what hurts the most its so hard on top of all my history of depression and anxiety. Hope everyone has a good day Brett.