Not Good Enough

[TaylaP1199]

Hey I’m Tayla, I’m 25 years old and ever since I can remember I never feel good enough for anyone in terms of relationships and friendships..I just feel like I’m not worthy of being in anyone’s life and that they are better of without me. Due to these thoughts I always seem to push people away whenever someone gets close and come up with excuses not to see them.

I guess this all started from when I was a young child. I grew up with a young single mother who split from my father when I was around 12 weeks old. My mum has never been the most neutering or caring person- I know she loves me but just doesn’t show it so growing up I never received much shown of being loved. I used to see my dad sometimes on weekends but then he became addicted to a drug and started to be verbally abusive- name calling and put downs mostly alongside his own mental health issues..so at the age of 12 I stopped going to his house and now only see him on occasion.

In terms of romantic relationships I have one had one official proper relationship which lasted only 7 months and ended Feb this year. At the start things were great- he treated me right and things got serious quick..towards the end of our relationship things changes and he started lying about stupid stuff, tried to control me and was manipulative- everything was my fault and he could never do no wrong..not to mention he never had anything nice or positive to say about me or my family which made me feel really sad and basically ended the relationship..after it ended I realized I did deserve better and told myself I would not settle for anything less

Friendships have always been hard for me as I’m socially awkward and pretty shy so I’ve only ever had a couple of real long lasting friendships so feel alone a lot of the time

Can someone help with trying to move past these issues and getting these thoughts out my head?

[Guest_3256]

Good afternoon TaylaP1199.

Welcome to the BB Forum and as another fellow poster, I'd like to say how strong and brave you are for reaching out for support. Your experience is defiantly not uncommon and things must be really difficult for you at the moment. These are crazy times and we need to remember to put our mental and physical health at top priority. Unfortunately, you've had a bumpy ride from childhood up to your last relationship and you've had to put up with not being treated properly. That can have a massive impact on your self-esteem and it may actually affect your confidence.

I have had (still do at times) difficulties in the past where I was in a very similar situation and it can be something to be worked on but you must change things up a bit and put yourself first. It may be that you need to train your thought patterns and learnt to control your emotions. Work on putting in actions to do this but try and take baby steps. Also keep in mind that we are not perfect in anyway - own that, allow mistakes to happened and become the best version of yourself. If/ when you enter into a new relationship, you must lay boundaries and have the confidence and love to be able to take control and not enable the other to take advantage.

Self-compassion is the key to success. Look up Kristen Neff. She has several mindfulness clips and was one of the very few world leading health professions to draw back that all depression, mental and physical health comes back to giving yourself the self-compassion that you need.

Be strong, be great.
:)

[M99]

Hi Tayla,

I'm so glad you have came and shared with us your experience. Sometimes the things that occur in our childhood can really have a lasting impact and effect on our self-confidence and self-worthiness.

Similar to you, I grew up being told I wasn't loved and at times was made to feel that way. Feeling unloved can be communicated through many ways, through words or through actions such as one not receiving proper nurture or such as one's father leaving the family. These situations can make us feel small, less deserving of love, however that is not true. We are deserving of it, we are just not always made to feel that way.

I'm glad you have left your previous relationship, coming to the realisation you deserve better. That is always the first step forward, that is acknowledging your standards, your boundaries and what you want and don't want. What's next is to love yourself. In loving yourself, you only allow the capacity of those who love and respect you as well. You cannot give to others, what you cannot give yourself and more importantly, you cannot receive from others what you don't have.

You have gone through a lot as a child, it's time you give yourself the love and deservingness of joy that you deserve.

All the best,

M99.