Not coping with breakup

Marc7 · ‎22-04-2018

It's been 6 months since my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a disfunctional relationship it was very on and off all the time, a bit obsessive due to cumulative baggage we brought in. After a few months apart I let go of everything so I thought. I felt ok. I dropped all the baggage and then I just had this huge relapse where now that I'd let go of everything I didn't have my girl. Now I was in a position to be in a committed relationship and happy and i was too late.

She projected such a huge amount of anger st me for wasted time and how hurt she was and refused to meet or talk to me only text. I know it was a disfunctional relationship then but we loved each other deeply.

I tried to get her back and just made her angrier. Then she said she was seeing someone else. This girl that loved me so deeply was already seeing someone 4 months later. She hates being alone. I should of known. She so angry at me and spiteful in her exchanges and all I feel is regret for not committing earlier and sorting my shit out then. All I feel is a huge sense of loss and love for her. I miss her all the time. It's pathetic.

Now she has blocked me, won't talk to me. And I just feel this huge sense of loss. I can't stop thinking about it all and I'm trying to carry on with work and everything but I'm so depressed about it. I start crying and random shit on the tv. I don't know how she could do it. I don't want to feel this way but I just feel lonely and awful all of the time.

Any good stories of recovery from anyone? Of bouncing back. I'm so up and down. The ups and good and the downs are so low. Just doesn't seem to go away.

PamelaR · ‎23-04-2018

Hello Marc

Welcome to Beyond Blue (BB) forums.

Relationships are so difficult at times. It sounds like you may be better off with out her as it doesn't sound like she wants the relationship to progress.

Such hard time for you. Of course, you'll feel up and down, maybe it's a feeling of rejection. I know I certainly don't like it myself. Though, I'm working through that by changing the story in my head - I've tried to make this work, I'm okay. It's their issue not mine.

When I used to have breakups with partners, I'd find other interests. Start a new hobby or sport. Distract myself from thinking about that person.

If you find you're having difficulties moving on, then go to a counsellor to talk about it. Alternatively talk with a family member or a close friend you trust. There are always helplines and chatlines too.

BB Support Service - Phone 1300 224 636 24hrs/7days a week
BB Chat online - 3pm-12pm / 7days a week
Lifeline - Phone 13 11 14

Be kind to yourself, think nice things about yourself.

Get back to us when you need to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Mike05 · ‎29-04-2018

Hi Marc

I went through a similar type relationship. If it were one of your friends in your situation what would you say?

You need to treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. This is something I have learnt recently.

I still miss my girl and still have ups and downs after a few months. But deep down I know our relationship was toxic and despite loving her more than I have loved anyone before, we were just nasty towards each other when things got tough. So for me the best thing was to walk away.

What has helped me is finding my identity again. Doing things for me that I enjoy. Going to the gym, playing guitar, working on my cars and hanging out with the lads.

Plus I have made a big point to make new female friends. Purely for friendship. Nothing sexual. This has started to restore my faith in women and have realized there are so many amazing women out there. It’s great having lots female friends, you get great points of view from their perspective and it’s just nice being around girls. It also helps take your mind of the negative thoughts.

These are just things that help me so hopefully can do the same for you. I also speak to a counselor which is definitely a massive help and I always feel a bit more clarity each time I go.

My wife and partner of 12 years cheated on me. My last serious GF also cheated on me. After my ex wife I had no idea how I could get through it. I felt I had nothing. After my GF I now know I’ve dealt with it before and I’m strong enough to do it again. It’s hard don’t get me wrong, if you’re feeling down go see someone or msg a mate if it’s in the evening, have a chat, it always helps. Just don’t do it alone. That’s what friends are for.