- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Not being good enough
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Not being good enough
What do you do when you can't fix your mental health fast enough for your partner? He wants to save for a house and move forward with his life and wants me to get a job but I can't leave my house alone, I can't function like a normal human.
I feel so lost on what to do. I've been trying to take steps to get better but nothing ever seems good enough. I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him.
I'd like to welcome you here where others do understand what it is like not to be able to leave the house by oneself - plus all the other life limiting things that seem so easy to others.
Franky I think there are two issues here. You said you had MH problems and were taking steps to try to get better. I'd like to ask if that means you are under treatment - maybe with meds and therapy? It's been the only way I've improved. Now I lead a pretty normal life, to start with was a disaster.
In my case I not only had medical support, but that of my partner too. This is the opposite of your life. Having someone that blames, does not understand or is simply impatient is horrible. It make you doubt or blame yourself and undoes the progress you have been making.
I agree that if someone has no experience of anxiety or depression or other mental illness they can find it very hard to envisage what things are like. However simply loving or caring for someone should be enough to make one try to understand. This means going to the doctor too, asking advice - asking you. Reading up on things, and simply being patient and supportive.
While not working might mean long term plans are on hold that is not the end of the world. Having someone to love and be loved by is far more important.
So do you think it would help to try to have your partner understand what is actually happening? Would he for example go to the doctor with you to have things explained? Perhaps for him to read parts of The Facts menu about which clearly sets out the symptoms and treatments for depression and anxiety?
Treatment for illness takes time, and having a negative atmosphere simply makes that treatment slower or completely ineffective. In such circumstances it is really hard to have faith in yourself and confidence in getting better.
Do you have anyone in your life that does give you support ? A family member or friend perhaps? It is so much harder by yourself.
We will be here for you whenever you want
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here!
What do you mean 'fix your mental health enough'? As someone who both has mental illness and supported people with mental illness I can speak from experience when I say there is no such thing as a 'fix'.
I'm wondering if you can give us more of an idea about where you're at and where your partner expects you to be. Perhaps there's somewhere in the middle that you and your partner can meet each other. Does he understand how your mental health affects you? Have you talked with your partner about this?
It would also be good to know what sort of steps you're taking to get better - that way we can perhaps bounce some ideas. There's no point us telling you to talk to family/friends or a therapist if you're already doing it! Leaving the house takes baby steps.
Hope this helps,