Not being able to be with wife during labour

[Alex2994]

Iv never been one to voice my anxiety/depression as iv always remained strong for my family… but yesterday I don’t even know how to even cope… my wife went for a check up at the hospital because she’s 37 weeks pregnant and wasn’t feeling well..

she came back COVID positive.. which looks like I will be as well… the hardest thing of all, is she is booked in for an induction of labour on the 26th (Boxing Day) so it’s highly probable I won’t be able to be with her it’ll only be one of her parents allowed (pending being COVID negative)… I’m remaining strong and optimistic in front of her… but internally I feel like such a failure of a father and husband and I really don’t know how to take this turmoil and just plain failure within me…

[Sophie_M]

Hi Alex2994,

Welcome to the BeyondBlue online community, we are so glad that you felt this forum would be a safe and welcoming place to share these challenges. We're sorry to hear the news around your wife's health and the possibility of you not being present at your child's birth, and we are here to offer you our support.

As well as reaching out to our community via this forum, we were also wondering if youd find it helpful to call the counsellors at Mensline Australia. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ 

[Juliet_84]

Hi Alex2994,

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you right now! I would have thought that they would need to be wearing full PPE during the delivery, so it wouldn’t matter if there’s one or two positive people in the room? And there would certainly be less risk posed to you than her parents who are negative when she’s positive? Although I imagine they are probably concerned about the baby potentially contracting it? I understand your desire to be there for your wife and to witness the birth of your baby. But the reality is that we are in a pandemic at the moment and so I guess you just have to follow the medical advice, whatever that may be. I don’t think it makes you a failure in any respect at all, I think it is just an unfortunate circumstance that can’t be helped. I think that the nursing staff will be extremely understanding of your situation if this is how it is to be and will try and have you involved through FaceTime etc. I know it’s not ideal and I’m so sorry that this is how it has panned out. Do you think there is any chance that you may be negative?

[Mk2692]

Hi Alex2994,

Thanks for reaching out here and sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. I know you are placed in a very difficult situation and I'm glad you are trying to be positive as this may help give you the strength to pass through this.

Sometimes there are cases where a partner is positive and the other is negative, if that is the case, hopefully you can be there during delivery. In the case that you are positive, unfortunately you would have to follow the rules and stay at home during the labour. It sounds like you have family that can provide support, which is something your wife may need in case you are positive.

I understand that you might feel frustrated because of this situation, but unfortunately it is out of your control. All you can do is be there for your wife and provide her with emotional and mental support during this hard time. The staff at the hospital will do the best they can to keep the baby safe and prevent him/her from contracting COVID. I would suggest to talk about this situation with family as they can provide you and your wife with support and help you during this difficult time. Hope this helps.

[Petal22]

Hi Alex2994,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry this is happening to yourself and your family it must be so difficult for you.

This really is out of your control, I know it is so hard and it must feel so emotional hard on you all.

Its not your fault.

Im really sorry….

I know it’s not the same thing but can the birth be put on FaceTime for you so you can still be there and interact with your wife during the birth?

Im here if you want to chat

[geoff]

Hello Alex, it's always a pleasure for the dad to be present during childbirth, but from memory, the mother doesn't really remember because all her focus is on delivery and will only be listening to the doctor and doing what they are saying.

If you have both been vaccinated twice, doesn't stop you from getting a negative result but that's totally different to having a negative result without any vaccine, so boxing day is a few days away so you don't know what the decision will be.

Geoff.