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Nobody Really Gives A ...
Yes it is me again. From previous posts you will see that I suffer from pretty much everything! Anxiety..health anxiety...depression..ptsd. I won't bore you all with the story of my life. Suffice it to say it has been traumatic and awful from day one. I am a twin. My twin has succeeded in every area without any dramas. I have succeeded in some areas with a lot of drama. She is so cruel and rude to me. In fact my entire family are selfish and rude and make jokes about me being a hypochondriac etc. Support from any of them equals ZERO.
I am feeling so lost and alone. I have been off work for over one year and had surgery on my shoulder 7 weeks ago. That was horrendous and incredibly painful and I am only just getting over it. Today I felt an itch on my shoulder and had a look in the mirror...it is a freckle that has gone scaly. So now I have to see Dermatologist on Monday as I had a melanoma on the other shoulder 4 years ago and have to be checked regularly. I am so over life. I have suffered an enormous amount; from losing my job due to the shoulder injury...losing my beloved doggy in December...my income is now zero so I have no idea how to manage until I get my insurance pay out..now I might have another cancer. I had major cancer phobia last year as had major pain in ear, tongue and throat. Got palmed off by everyone so paid $600 for MRI which was clear. But..that was 9 months ago! Anything could be happening in the meantime! As per my other post.. saw my GP last Monday and he made it patently clear he was sick to death of seeing me. I know that nobody cares. I am always there for everyone else yet when it comes to me it is like I don't exist. I am so sick to death of it all. I am an intelligent and very sensitive and caring soul and I am surrounded by people who are the total opposite. I don't even know why I am bothering to post on here because I am seeking out to strangers and my own family can't even be bothered!
Sorry for being so over the top. I just hope someone out there can relate.
We're so glad that you have shown your strength in reaching out here to the forums tonight, and we're sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time at the moment. But please know that you've come to a safe space to share these thoughts and feelings, and our community is here to provide as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
If you feel up to it, you are also welcome to reach out to our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 where you can talk to one of our friendly counsellors at anytime, 24/7.
We hope that you keep checking back in with us and let us know how you are going whenever you feel ready.
Really sad to hear your lack of empathy from those you love.
There is 15% or so if all people that come under the “USP” Ultra Sensitive People category. I suspect you are one, as I am. This is ingrown and part of your personality and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact I now stand up for myself. “ you should stop being so sensitive “ they say, to which I Reply “you are so tall, can you shorten yourself please”!
Im sorry to give you some sad news but family won’t change their attitude and so there is two options- distance yourself or change your methods of defence to counter offensive.
- DISTANCING- that is your call how far you go with it. I started my distancing 10 years ago and it began with my mother that I totally eliminated from my life and others I only see around Xmas time, they are all replaced with caring loving friends
- COUNTER OFFENSIVE- means putting walls up or/and mentally shut abusers down.
There some interesting threads I wrote about these topics. Just google them and read the first post to read up on these strategies
beyondblue topic wit, the only answer to torment
beyondblue topic bullying
beyondblue topic the definition of abuse
beyondblue topic depression and sensitivity a connection?
beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get
beyondblue topic fortress of survival (also part 2)
beyondblue topic suicidal? It isn’t all your fault
Reply anytime keep in touch, glad you’re here
I really feel for you so much as the insensitivity of others deeply challenges you.
Myself, I wouldn't give up my sensitivity for the world. Mastering it has been a massive journey filled with incredible revelations. I've been led to re-evaluate several relationships, which has been so challenging. I have become intolerant which has actually led to greater self-esteem. Enabler to intolerant has been a pretty wild ride and has left me with the feisty nature I began life with. Liberation from those who bring us down is not an easy process at times. Being sensitive to what others say is important if we really want to evaluate their behaviour. One of my mantras is question the questionable. A good example: If someone says 'Oh, you're so sensitive', I would question 'Why are you not (sensitive). What's wrong with you?'
Being sensitive to your own body is natural and constructive. Our body is often giving out cues, for our own well being. If we're not sure exactly what the cues mean, it's important to see someone who's expert in interpreting them. By the way, I'm wondering if the ear, tongue and throat pain coincided with a time where you really needed or wanted to find your voice but was led to suppress the emotional dis-ease you were feeling. I should add that when you're highly sensitive to any changes (tiny or great) in your body, you'll feel them or notice them. Others can be a little numb to the cues but we shan't hold that against them 🙂
Had an interesting conversation with someone just the other week. We related so much to how each other thought and felt. We related to the struggles posed by the less sensitive. We agreed that we've both always been the 'odd ones' in our family. A lot of the time people just don't get us. We both agreed that our sensitivities are what allow us to see life differently: To be able to read people more easily, to able to question the questionable (when others don't feel the need or inspiration to question), to be able to relate to those who need sensitivity and the list goes on. With me nearing 50 and my work colleague in her 60s, we've lived a sensitive life filled with challenges which have depressed us at times. Our sensitivities have also raised our consciousness.
You are highly sensitive. You notice much. You hear much. You feel much. You are more alive than others. It makes perfect sense that you would come here, to a place where every person is seeking to raise them self, through their sensitivity.
Many thanks to you who replied and gave me support. I am very grateful.
I saw my psychologist today and he again reiterated that I suffer from somatization disorder. When he showed my results they were in the 90 percent mark! He told me that everything I feel is from anxiety. All the 'real' symptoms of burning tongue and mouth etc..all anxiety driven. How I detest that monster anxiety. I would not wish it on my worst enemy (of which I only have one and that is the poor excuse of a man I was caught up with for almost three years....I digress!).
Needless to say when I heard that I started to feel better. As I always do; when in a clinical setting. Getting home and trying to figure it all out...it all started up again. This is truly no way to 'live'.. let's not forget I haven't been 'living' for almost two years due to my work injury and the subsequent pain and suffering from that; and now from the surgery (8 weeks ago).
I have decided to get into fitness in a big way. The only thing that helps me is walking very fast and for a very long time. I am too unfit to run but that is my aim. All this alcohol/food etc is just masking the real issue. And I hate the alcohol so much..it makes me feel better for a while then I will go to bed and wake up at 2 am with the anxiety hitting me like a sledge hammer..and all the symptoms come racing back...it is a horrid way to live when you are your own worst enemy. You might think I am pathetic and you would be right! I am stuck in a vicious circle of self sabotage! It's very hard work being me.
Thanks again to you all for putting out your ideas and advice. It is greatly appreciated. I hope you are all well and coping during this dreadful time. I personally do not fear coronavirus but I know if my 80 year old Mother were to get it she would likely die. So I am doing all the things we are told to do re keeping our distance at the shops etc. I guess as I live in South Australia I am actually very lucky; as we are right now the safest place on the planet! Things could be a whole lot worse.