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No trust into my boyfriend - due to his past

Linda1818
Community Member

Hello,

 

I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf.

after he told me about his past, everything changed, I started to get jealous, overly alert and always looking at him if he is looking at other women or not. it got so far now that I am suffering from anxieties and insomnia and cant cope with everyday's life.

He was in school of philosophy where he has been thought no sex before marriage. So by the age of 27 he broke out and started to visit many different kinds of adult services for the period of 3-4 y until he met me. I am very decent woman and always wanted a decent man. He is very good to me and has been very supportive until now he threatens to leave me every time I have a distrusting thought and it increases my anxieties and I have helath issues due to it like no sleep and depression.

 

I am wondering should I leave him and it is valid because I cant cope with the thought of him doing it in the past or maybe doing again at some point in his life with me. I am very confused, I love him very much but is it enough to keep the bond and solid future? He is ready to leave me because he started to get angry at me (verbally) every time I express my doubts. He cant stand this anymore and I seem to not be able to change my view about this brothel thing. I don't know what to do. It is a life changing decision and I don't know what price to pay, heart break and losing him or my health and trying to get it under control. but is it possible to get it under control or should I trust my instincts??

3 Replies 3

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

dear Linda, thanks for your comment.

I could answer your question in one word, but perhaps I should explain myself.

Firstly he didn't want to have sex before marriage, but that didn't last he lashed out and starting going to these adult services, so that pretty well sums it up.

He becomes annoyed with you because you mention it, so it would be a terrible long term relationship where your heart will be broken many times, so he would not be able to be trusted.

OK you love him, but does he love you, as in being a person, I'm not sure he does, although he may say he does but this will wear off.

You need to move on because personally I wouldn't believe anything he says, sorry. L Geoff. x

Linda1818
Community Member
Hi, thank you very much for your comment, just want you to understand the situation properly, even if he did it just in the past, I should leave him? and why wouldn't you believe him what he says? so far I haven't seen any sign of disloyalty. It just bothers me a lot that he did it in the past. Are my bad thoughts about him justified? or is I should give him a real chance? Thanks for advice

Rothy
Community Member

Hi linda. I myself am at heart romantic an loving. And would never sleep with a prostitute, again.  Yes again. I tried it while I was single. Although I have never cheated I have had many experiences. Both good and bad. And not all savoury. But the person I am today is because of my past. And all I want to do is make my wife happy and give her the best life I can provide and share it with her.

 

I don't think he is the problem here. I think that you are(not being nasty here). Every single person has had to grow and learn and some people dont do that gracefully. But people change he may revert back to who he was. He may not.  Everyone changes. I understand he gets angry when you bring it up. But would you like it if he repeatedly told you he doesnt trust you because of something in your past he had nothing to do with? Something you have left behind you. You need to embrace who he is now. Give him the trust and respect that every partner deserves till they prove themselve unworthy.

 

If somebody who would use a prostitute is not someone you could trust or respect. Then you have your answer. And if you love him. Would you have him live the rest of his live in distrust and suspicion. And do you want to live that way. I think yoy need to let either his past or the relationship go.