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No one to talk to.
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26-02-2020
08:53 PM
Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I am posting in the right place.
For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore.
Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect on me.
I don't have any friends, and I couldn't care less, because socialising is just too exhausting for me and I have no interest in it. The only relationships I have at the moment are with my husband and three children.
My mum and I, who are known to fight more often then get along, are not talking at the moment and to be completely honest, I couldn't care less if I ever spoke to her again, although my husband says that I should because she is my mother. It is kind of hard to forgive her this time though, as the last time I spoke to her she told me and I quote, 'you know your father never really cared about you'. Well, he died about 6 years ago in a freak truck accident, so I can't ask him if this is true, but I thought he did. I mean, what kind of mother says that to her child, even if it is true?
I feel that every person I come across thinks that I am a snob, when really I just find it hard to trust anyone and I feel like everyone is constantly judging me, but I have been told by a psychologist that this is due to child hood experiences because growing up I was constantly being judged and stereotyped because of how I had to live.
Now, to top it all off, my husband and I keep arguing about the same thing, but nothing changes and I feel nothing.
I cry, like I am right now, but not because we keep arguing, but because I feel like I am just existing, not living.
I have thought about seeing a psychologist again, but the thought of all that talking just sounds too exhausting. I have had post natal depression twice now, and the thought of talking about all the stuff we went over both of those times just makes me want to curl up in the feotal position, and i know that the stuff we discussed then and she thought i had dealt with is what is still affecting me now.
I have no intention of hurting myself, I am actually scared stiff of the thought of death and I want to see my children grow and live a better life then I had as a kid, but I am exhausted all the time and am worried that my kids will pick up on it. And I feel sad for my children that they are not getting to see there grandmother, but the thought of talking to her just makes me feel sick.
For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore.
Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect on me.
I don't have any friends, and I couldn't care less, because socialising is just too exhausting for me and I have no interest in it. The only relationships I have at the moment are with my husband and three children.
My mum and I, who are known to fight more often then get along, are not talking at the moment and to be completely honest, I couldn't care less if I ever spoke to her again, although my husband says that I should because she is my mother. It is kind of hard to forgive her this time though, as the last time I spoke to her she told me and I quote, 'you know your father never really cared about you'. Well, he died about 6 years ago in a freak truck accident, so I can't ask him if this is true, but I thought he did. I mean, what kind of mother says that to her child, even if it is true?
I feel that every person I come across thinks that I am a snob, when really I just find it hard to trust anyone and I feel like everyone is constantly judging me, but I have been told by a psychologist that this is due to child hood experiences because growing up I was constantly being judged and stereotyped because of how I had to live.
Now, to top it all off, my husband and I keep arguing about the same thing, but nothing changes and I feel nothing.
I cry, like I am right now, but not because we keep arguing, but because I feel like I am just existing, not living.
I have thought about seeing a psychologist again, but the thought of all that talking just sounds too exhausting. I have had post natal depression twice now, and the thought of talking about all the stuff we went over both of those times just makes me want to curl up in the feotal position, and i know that the stuff we discussed then and she thought i had dealt with is what is still affecting me now.
I have no intention of hurting myself, I am actually scared stiff of the thought of death and I want to see my children grow and live a better life then I had as a kid, but I am exhausted all the time and am worried that my kids will pick up on it. And I feel sad for my children that they are not getting to see there grandmother, but the thought of talking to her just makes me feel sick.
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26-02-2020
11:53 PM
Sounds like you are doing it real tough. I have battled depression for around 16 years now I've had some good times but then slip back into bad ones. The thing that has helped me most is thinking of my kids and im now focused on starting a new career (studying) so that i can provide for myself and kids. Seek more help if the help you are getting is not enough. I have used mental health nurses, GP's, psychologists counsellors etc. Try and spend some time for yourself if possible. Exercise helped me out immensely too.
