No longer important

[Sedruol]

Hi, Am divorced and just turned 60. Migrated to Australia when kids were 4 & 5 yo, for a better education and comfortable life. Indeed, they both got thru U and hold careers. After marriage separation and living alone, I tried ending life but unsuccessful. Son and his wife took me into their custody as daughter and husband left for another country. Tried to live happy with them, in an environment beyond my liking. Living in one roof with son’s dominating in-laws (one is non-English speaker) with different cultural background was tough, a torture at times but didn’t matter much since granddaughter came into picture. Dominating as they are financially secured, while I am not. In return for free accommodation, utilities and food, I service the household and nanny the first born grandchild. Exhausting but rewarding as she’s adoring and filled my empty life. Life’s got tougher when grandchild 2 came. At my age, mummying a little one, feeding at nights means sleepless nights when mum was ill or for other reasons, pushing kid 1 in a pram and a heavy school bag for kid 2 are not something you look forward doing again but again I have a free roof. My aching body? A prepaid massage or acupuncture gets me ready for the next routine. What is mentally torturing is Son became arrogant and ungrateful! I became on my own, he hardly talks but chats so happily with in-laws. Pats on the back, hugs, how are you mum, are you ok, have you eaten’ have all gone. All I ask is just a little love and respect but what I get now is an arrogant smirk. Wife said just live as if we are housemates! My heart aches and I feel I am a hired nanny, a cleaner and an Iron Lady for his office clothes. I feel they need my room space now. I am tired and Unwanted so what is there to live? At 60, homeless, has little super pension, no family. Perhaps back to my country and die slowly on my own. Who would notice anyway😭

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sedruol,

Reading about your hurt, loneliness, & sadness was heartbreaking. I feel deeply saddened by what you’re going through...

Your home environment with your son & his wife, & in-laws sounds as though it’s a very cold, unaffectionate environment. Your granddaughter sounds as though she is your lifeline in that household. Your love for her is strong...I feel it....

But I also feel the profound hurt, & perhaps even feelings of rejection, that your son shows so little affection or caring towards you. I know it particularly stings when you see that same affection for your in-laws. It’s almost like rubbing it in, even if that isn’t his intention...

I know taking care of the home & helping with childrearing is clearly taking its toll. It’s emotionally & physically demanding work, & your body is tired....

I admittedly don’t really have anything helpful or useful to say. But I felt moved by how much your struggling, & still wanted to hopefully be able to lend some small emotional support. Hopefully...

You’re most welcome to share your thoughts & feelings here any time. There is no pressure, but I want you to know that there is support & caring here if you ever want to talk or unload...

Thinking of you,

Pepper

[Sedruol]

Thank you Pepper...yes my 5yo grand daughter is my lifeline and so is the 1yr old boy. She cares for me too. Yesterday she saw me packing and cried so hard. Parents took her away and said I am damaging her emotionally. I am afraid she’s told to distance. Am I toxic now?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sedruol,

I’m so, so sorry that is happening. That is absolutely devastating. I can only imagine how distraught & heartbroken you’re feeling...

Your 2 gorgeous grandchildren mean the world to you. Your granddaughter clearly loves you, as you love her. There’s that bond there.

I feel sad that you’re packing. Where will you be going?

Thinking of you...

Kindness & care,

Pepper

[Sedruol]

Pepper, I am going back to my home country, there I can cry my heart out, die on my own. I have no where to go here. I don’t know if I ever get a housing com.
Mother In-law is invalid so now trying to hold me, as they are losing their best nanny. But my Son? Doesn’t care, said nothing, just walk passed. Where’s the affection? That hurt, I will take to my grave😢

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sedruol,

I feel your deep sadness, fear & heartbreak. Your son seems so distant & acts so indifferent. I feel that would hurt so much...

What a heart wrenching decision you’re making...I’m worried about how isolated you will be in your home country, because it sounds like you don’t really have anyone there and accomodation sounds as though it’s a worry too...

I’m concerned...is there a friend in your home country that you could contact for support? Or maybe you could try talking to your son again, in private, before making a decision?

Thinking of you & concerned...

Kindness and care,

Pepper