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No Idea Where To Go From Here
You have a lot of emotions going on there about various people in your life. From what l gather, your husband is causing you the most angst which in turn affects the relationship you have with your step son. Obviously, your husband has a parental responsibility to address his son's issues, and he is
In relation to your step son, due to his age and circumstances, children only act out when they are hurt or have not been guided by parents on the right and wrongs of life. I am not insinuating that you are to blame here, but if your husband nor is ex-wife are addressing behavioural issues, etc as they are the biological parents, the child will have little chance to develop good behaviour.
So for your mental health and that of the child, all adults need to talk this one out. Like l said it is not your sole responsibility.
Concerning your marriage, have you asked him to go to counselling together? Relationships Australia offer some great options to get things out in the open and deal with the issues that you have around intimacy and connection. Google them for details.
I do hope l have been of some help Shelly. Please write back and let me know how things are going. We want to hear from you.
Hi Shelley welcome
I can't add much to the wise words Camela gave. Great advice there.
Step parenting is tough, done it twice myself.
You have to remind yourself that this child is not a brat, he is the result (as you claim) of parents not concerned with his schooling and behaviour. None of that is his fault. Also your standards for same are clearly not the standards the natural parents have.
That creates a problem. Your husband would feel under pressure to do things your way. The child is damned if you don't involve yourself and you are damned if you do.
Following my experiences as a step parent I concluded, the best line to take is to act like a doting grandparent to the children and leave all discipline to the parents. Otherwise your marriage will strain.
Hence its a tough gig. But you won't change anyone.
I am sorry to hear about what you're going through with your husband and his children. Being a step-parent is hard, I can imagine. I have a step mum and a step dad, as well as a number of step siblings, and particularly in the beginning, accepting that these people are now part of your everyday life is a big change, and it can bring out stressful and rash behaviour in some.
I somewhat agree with what Carmela has said. I do thing that sitting down with your husband and his ex-wife is ideally the best way to deal with this situation, however by the sounds of it they may not be willing to do that, so I think you need to first just calmly express your concerns to your husband and perhaps suggest that he has a talk with his ex-wife about their child's well-being.