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No friends, going on ten years

Community Member

Sorry if this post is a bit long. I just feel intensely lonely and I’m sick of it.

Usual story of I was massively bullied throughout high school. Changed schools to see if things would get better, they didn’t, if anything things got worse. That was when I was fifteen.

I’m now 25, I live out of home, I have a great job, I am well-liked at work, I’m friendly and outgoing, I am an attractive young person. But things are still the same. The one friend I did have is now married, and I can just see she’s getting busier and busier (I don’t blame her) but I have no one else to fall back on. I didn’t see her much in the first place, I would just always make myself available when she was.

How am I supposed to care about life when I have no one to share moments and memories with. Even if I do stuff for other people or in groups I am just that acquaintance, not someone to invite over because everyone already has their friends they’ve been friends with for years, so they don’t need anyone else.

I just see that no one needs me in their life. I’m just a friendly face at work. That’s it. If I were to disappear no one would notice. No one would care. I’m not suicidal, as I still live in hope, but after ten years it’s hard to hold onto the belief that anyone will just pop up out of the blue, and I feel nothing I can do will change that.

6 Replies 6

Community Member

Hi msanders993,

First up Welcome to the Beyond Blue gang. A great place to talk about anything without ever feeling judged upon.

Friends are important in our life’s, i sort of the same. A person with lot of friends in general as I kind of know what to say a lot but i only have a very elite few that truly know me. My up days and my down day that person I can talk to about anything.

I think you miss and like to have a friend like that. It will come. Friends in large social groups I find I fade away as I quite a quiet person and you sound like you a person as well that don’t like to be a centre of attention.

Beening bullied and unfairly treated at school can cause us to judge ourselves to much. You are not anything that the bullies say or try to upset you with. Be yourself. I think you be surprised how much respect you have in society as if you got a lot of friends even thoe it not close ones, people see a good heart in yourself.

You find people that can fully relate to you. And when you do you be proud that you never change to try and fit in.

Take care.


Community Champion
Community Champion


I too welcome you this forum. You can see by Hang10s reply what a supportive group we are.

I can understand how you feel so lonely when you try so hard to make friends.

I wonder if you have a special interest, sport, passion , hobby, etc and that you could meet other people who have some interests either through an online group or in at a local community centre.

Does your work have a social group?

Do you like Writing? You express yourself well, and there writing groups maybe you could join. .

I realise you have tried and it is hard when everyone else seems to have lots of friends.

The truth is many people reading your post will feel like you.

Have a look at some of the other threads here as they may interest you .

Feel free to post when you like.

I have just shared my suggestions but they may not suit you.


Community Member

Hi msanders

Welcome to the forums!

Your post really resonated with me as it is very similar to my story. I definitely feel the one about just being a face at work. I used to get on really well with the guys at my old work and when I left, they kept saying things like, "we'll keep in touch and hang out" and that has never happened. That can be hurtful, and it does too. I also had that one friend I got on with quite well who I would make time for, but they moved on with career and marriage and now I never hear from them.

One thing I tried doing was doing was trying not to pin everything on other people, and focussing on myself a bit. So I started doing things I enjoyed and taking more time for myself. I'm not going to tell you that it will give you a quick fix, but starting to show some self care can be very important.

I definitely feel the statement you said about sharing moments with someone, because I am at that stage too and really want that. I hate travelling or going places by myself. Maybe don't put too much pressure on it though and try to do things for yourself. Find things or engage in activities that you really enjoy and make the most of them. Perhaps you have one thing you really like doing and there might be a social club in your are for it?

Hopefully the advice is helpful, and if not, we are always here to chat 🙂

Community Member

I feel for you msanders, it is hard to make new friends especially if you have confidence issues, which you may have if you were bullied at school (although it sounds like you have a positive view of yourself, which is great, well done you)

I just want to second Quirky's suggestion that you find an interest group in your local area so you might be able to meet some like minded people. I enjoy creative writing and I've found some good friends in writers' groups over the years. I'm not much of a sports person but if you are joining a sporting club is another great suggestion. Book clubs etc are all good depending on what you're into.

I guess the hardest part is putting yourself out there, in a sense admitting you would like a friend. Maybe you need to ask someone from your work, if there's someone you click with, out to lunch one day. Or someone you know likes coffee you could buy them one and drink yours with them. Ask them questions about their life, or what movies they've seen, to show you are interested and they will likely respond in kind. Be the first to make the overture. It is scary I know, almost like being the one to ask someone on a date. You risk rejection and that can hurt. But believe it or not even if you are rejected (chances are you may not be though!), it gives you confidence to do it again if you need to, because the world didn't end because your invitation was turned down.

I wish you the best of luck, I hope you find a person who gets you. It is truly worth the risk and effort when it works out. Be brave. Let us know how it goes!

Best wishes


Community Member

Hi Msanders993,

I am new to this forum but your post is something I can relate to.

I have lots of work colleagues - but finding a connection outside of work is difficult for me.

I have three children and I remember always telling them to try to have an assortment of friends from all different places - sport, school, dance class, library etc. etc. and then if one day you are lonely at school for instance, always take an activity (some colouring books or whatever) and just involve yourself in it. The other kids would come over and be interested, and before you know it - they get involved.

So now I find myself in a similar situation. I am trying to involve myself in various activities - trying to get a spread of new friends and when I feel lonely, I put myself somewhere (like a cafe for coffee) and pick up my knitting or crochet and do this while I have my coffee. You would be amazed how many people stop by for a chat!!

New things I've done recently and really enjoyed: Free tour at the art gallery; free book club discussion at the art gallery; joined a book club discussion group online; joined this forum!! I feel excited about the new things I've started and the people I've met - on and offline.

I hope this helps you Msanders993. You are most certainly not alone in feeling this way.

Community Member

Hi there,

sorry ti hear of your situation. I am recently separated and friends are few and far between so I understand what you are going through.

A few months ago my son suggested I try getting the Meetup app on my phone to meet and socialise with new people. There are so many types of groups and activities from dinners, coffees, pub crawls, fitness, cooking, hiking, dancing, etc. I have been to a couple with the same group and have enjoyed each time. Nice people and great to get out of the house as it can be pretty lonely at times. Give it a go as you have nothing to lose and lots to gain. I am looking forward to going to a race day at Flemington with the group in October.

I'm sure you will have a great time. I also find it hard to make friends. I really think this will help you. Give it a go and I'm sure you will enjoy yourself.

If you do try let us know how it turned out. Hoping my message finds you well.

Best wishes, Con.