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Hi everyone,

by the title I'm sure you can tell I'm new here. I am hoping to find others who have been through what I'm going through and have come out or people who can just relate. so a bit of back story, my whole 2017 and part of 2018 is a huge blur because I was abusing alcohol quite heavily. I discovered I was pregnant in 2018 and quit cold-turkey. everything has been going well since then until recently. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and have been happier than I can remember ever being, however, over the last month or so, I've noticed myself wanting to drink more and more, I have no energy and always feel guilty about never really wanting to play with my daughter. my partner and I had just started talking about having our second baby but the thought of sex is so offputting. I want to have more babies but I just wish that wasn't necessary. I'm not sure where all these feelings are coming from and I just really want to know that I'm not alone. I struggle talking to loved ones about this although I have talked it through with my partner, somehow talking to strangers on the internet seems easier. I'm sorry if this all came out in a jumble and is hard to follow.

4 Replies 4

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Mealismum,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear of what you are feeling right now, although I will also say WELL DONE for getting off the booze!

As you can probably guess by my username - Soberlicious - I too drank to excess once upon a time, and had to quit. My drinking cost me every friend I'd ever had, cost me some jobs along the way, my health became quite poor ..... on the story goes. But I did manage to stop drinking altogether. In fact it's now been 23 years since I have had an alcoholic drink and I don't miss it at all.

But I DID miss it at first, and grieved quite heavily for the booze in my first few years of being sober. Especially once my life DID begin to get better and I got new friends and more work etc. I could see that others could drink with seeming immunity and wondered why I couldn't do the same? Why couldn't I just have one and 'take the edge off' ...... put me at ease that tiny bit? I wanted, and deeply missed, that sense of ease and comfort that booze gave me ..... that way I would be more relaxed about social situations, about my body when naked and having sex, after work when winding down from the day .... I had all the 'reasons' as to why I 'should' be allowed to drink, but just the one real reason not to; I'm not like others when I drink. I can't handle the drink; the drink handles me.

One of the best decisions I ever made was to get help and begin hanging out with other sober people. And I did that by going to AA. If you would like to know more about AA, head over to www.aa.org.au or call 1300 22 22 22 if you would like to speak to someone who knows what it's like to have to give up the booze.

And I also want to say 'OH YEAH, I GET THAT!!!!' when you said "somehow talking to strangers on the internet seems easier" because I feel that exact same way!! It's so much easier sometimes to talk about things with someone you don't see face to face, and 'worry' about what their reaction may be. I SO GET that! That's one of the things I LOVE about Beyond Blue; you don't have to 'face' people. It's like a buffer between me and the rest of the world ......... in fact, a lot like the booze was. Drinking was the 'buffer' between myself and everything else.

But now I have a whole new, wonderful and amazing life, which I would not have if I'd kept on drinking. You can have that too, if you want? Just say the word, am happy to help.

Anyway, I hope that helps a little. Take care. xo

Thank you so much for responding. I was feeling quite low last night as I wrote that and went and found a bottle of wine that I had squirreled away from a housewarming. I am proud to say I didn't touch it and it continues to gather dust, I still can't bring myself to throw it out though. I'm wondering when it starts getting easier? I thought these feelings were behind me and its hard to have to face the temptation with even more to lose this time around. I don't know anyone in my personal life that has ever been able to quit drinking so it's amazing that you did! my parents have been alcoholics since long before I was born, same as my grandparents and I'm not close to anyone else in my family so I am grateful you responded. I don't have any friends left either, as they all disappeared when I got pregnant and couldn't go out partying anymore so I've been feeling very isolated.

Dear Mealiesmum,

Well done for not giving into temptation!! So proud of you! I reckon if I had not have had the support of AA, there is NO WAY I would have been able to resist that temptation on my own. NO WAY! And yeah, you certainly do tend to find out who your real friends are once your life life changes; no matter what the change is; be it good bad or indifferent. In fact, speaking of which, there's a little ditty I read years ago about how people come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime.

A 'reason' is because either they are going to teach you something, or you will teach them something. A 'season' person is there for a certain time; to help you through something, be it celebration or commiseration. And Lifetime people are just that; they're there with you and for you for your lifetime. And they may or may not be blood relatives. That can mean people that you meet in childhood that remain in your life for you whole life, or could also be your partner, and/or of course parents and siblings, although not always the case.

Anyway, my point being is that if you want help with the times of temptation, because this is probably not the first time you've been tempted, I guessing? And may not be the last either, but if you want to STAY off the booze long term, then perhaps you are going to need some 'reason', some 'season' and some 'lifetime' people in your life. And maybe you'll find them in AA?

I don't know though. Maybe AA is not for you? I know it's not for everyone, but I can tell you that it is tailor made for me! And I LOVE it.

Unfortunately, pretty much all the meetings are currently online, using the Zoom app, which can be downloaded for free, and is free to use, if you are not hosting meetings yourself. If you would like to attend an online Zoom AA meeting, then they are listed here: www.aatimes.org.au where you will find the meeting ID numbers and other info.

You asked "When does it start getting easier?" Well, for me it started getting easier when I began to ACCEPT the fact that I can't drink like others can, when I began associating much more with other sober people, and began looking for and enjoying all the things I CAN do without drinking, instead of holding my focus on the one thing that I couldn't do, which was drink. Letting go may be hard, but getting dragged down by the booze is worse.

And now you know of at least one sober person; me!!

You're not alone anymore. I'm here with you. Keep in touch, yeah? Talk soon. xo

I also tend to run out of room because I yabber on so much!

But anyway, if you would like to know more about attending an online meeting, then follow this link:


And enjoy the rest of you Sunday.

Take care. Talk again soon, I hope. xo