New to this - Dont know where to start

[WTCTC]

Not sure where to start but wanting change.

My husband and I are in a horrible cycle and I feel useless and unable to do anything right - well - what ever I do feels wrong and the cycle begins again!!

We have 2 beautiful children - Our son 13 and my daughter age 11 who has OCD - diagnose 2 years ago and who I continue to try and support but know our continual fighting and arguments are destroying any efforts in trying to help her work thru her world...along with this COVID pandemic her OCD is just crippling at times -to all the family.

Most of my days are filled with thoughts of blame - hating myself for my daughter OCD as we feed off each other when we are in this state - my son cry's when there is another argument that and unpleasant incident in the household - my thoughts of how to get out of this situation is constant - I have had enough and don't know how to stop this roller coaster of emotions.

Maybe this is the start - know I need help - just overwhelming to make a start

Feeling hopeful to change this cycle

Overwhelmed and feeling exhausted

[MO2TG]

Hi
I wanted to acknowledge your post. That would be a really distressing situation for your family. Heightened by current COVID situation.
It can be very overwhelming when your child has a mental illness.
I wish when my child was diagnosed with a mental illness someone had said go to counselling with your partner. Give your relationship a health check regardless of how strong it is.
My 23 yr marriage didn't make it. My daughter has and is thriving. Still deals with her depression and anxiety. I'm so amazed by how far she has come, she did the hard work, it wasn't easy. We kicked an eating disorders butt.
Look after yourself as that helps everyone.
The moderators on here are great.
Thinking if you and your family.
Happy to keep checking in if u like.

[jax_in_my_heart]

Hi WTCTC

I don't know how much advise I could offer here, being unmarried with no children, but I'm hoping sometimes it brings some comfort to know someone read your words and understands you are suffering.

Sounds like your daughter is doing it tough, but that you are as well. We all need a support network for ourselves when we are supporting others, such as you are trying to support your daughter, and it sounds like things are spiralling a little.

Sometimes I guess the only thing we can do is try to make the day even marginally a bit better than the day before, and marginally better again the next day - a five minute walk, ten minutes without the kids fighting, a coffee, getting to go for a bike ride - and making a real effort to note them in the evening and try and replicate them again the next day. By such tiny tiny steps, do our lives improve so they become more bearable.

If you are in a position to consider it financially, cognitive behavioural therapy might be helpful for you in learning new steps in how to learn new ways of thinking so you are not filling your head with thoughts of blame, but trying new ways to address situations and adjusting your attitude to deal with hard times better. Again, just making tiny improvements until they all add up to be something positive. There may also be online resources in this area.

I am sorry life is so difficult for you at present. Don't lose hope thinking it can't improve, sometimes it is darkest before the dawn. I wish you all the best.